DEAR ABBY: I’m a widow in a new relationship. I was molested for years by an older sibling. When my behavior became troublesome – skipping school, becoming antisocial – I was sent to a reform school for several years. The sibling was sent into the army.
When I was released from the school, I drifted into worse relationships and into the sex trade. I got out of that after six months. I’ve always felt like a “good girl,” but the past haunts me. I used to talk about the abuse constantly. It was always in the back of my mind. It still pops up on a regular basis, but I have not told my new partner.
A friend once told me that people don’t need to know everything about you, and I believe that. Some folks blamed me for the abuse, although it started before I was 8. Sometimes I feel I should tell my partner, as it does affect my behavior – I have low self-esteem, etc. I’ve had counseling, but it didn’t help me. When I confronted my abuser years later, he told me it was my problem.
Do I need to share this to be completely honest about who I am? I have never felt “normal.” It’s as if I’m carrying a dreaded secret. Any advice? – GOOD GIRL IN WASHINGTON
DEAR GOOD GIRL: What you suffered as a child was not your fault. You needed counseling then, not blame. Because you didn’t receive it then, it isn’t surprising your problems followed you wherever you went.