When my first child was born five years ago, I was so nervous about losing myself. As someone who deeply desires authenticity and values my identity, I had a fear of becoming “someone’s mom.” After he was born, I loved him deeply and felt more attached to him than I could’ve imagined. But I sometimes found myself longing for autonomy. I didn’t regret having a child at all, but I grieved the freedom and spontaneity of my former life.
The same experience occurred when my second child was born last year. Adjusting to the changes that occurred within me and around me after creating and birthing two little beings is still a challenge. My priorities have shifted, my attention and focus are divided tenfold, and my time is not my own. Not to mention, my house is a little messier and my clothes don’t fit quite the same way.
(READ MORE: First Things First: When motherhood isn’t what you thought it’d be)
A scroll on social media and a quick survey of fellow mom friends reveals my experience is not isolated. Research shows childbirth permanently changes women physically, mentally and emotionally.
The mental and emotional toll of childbirth cannot be overstated. From the moment a woman learns she is pregnant to the baby’s first cry, she experiences a whirlwind of emotions ranging from joy and anticipation to fear and anxiety. Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a New York-based reproductive psychiatrist, says there’s no “one size fits all” experience when it comes to pregnancy and postpartum emotions.