DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for two months. I haven’t told anyone I’m married except my close friends and family. Someone recently messaged me about my husband, stating that he has Asperger’s. They know my name and have my phone number. I don’t know who this person is or why they would tell me this now.
I already suspected my husband has Asperger’s, so I’m not shocked, but this is eating me up inside. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I recently lost my mom to cancer. Now I’m facing this. I previously dated a narcissist who used to lie regularly. But after all that heartbreak and torment, I’m now with someone who lies to me again? I’m so confused and upset. I really do want to ask my husband to get assessed. I don’t think I can trust him anymore. Do you have advice for me? — LOSING AGAIN IN CANADA
DEAR LOSING: Let me point out that individuals who write anonymous letters usually are not trying to be helpful and instead may be trying to cause trouble in your marriage. Before asking your husband to be assessed for Asperger’s, go online and read as much information about it as you can. You might also consider contacting the Association for Autism and Neurodiversity (aane.org), which has been mentioned in my column before.
If what you learn from reliable resources indicates that it could be your husband’s problem, then by all means suggest he be assessed. He may not necessarily be “lying” to you as much as being in denial. This does not have to destroy a marriage. Many successful people are on the spectrum.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend and co-worker is 57. I’m 32. Her husband died two years ago, leaving her and her 22-year-old son alone. We’ve been best friends and co-workers for the last six years, but over the last few months, I’ve been realizing she’s a lot more to me than just a friend.