DEAR ABBY: I’m the youngest of a family of three boys and two girls. The only person I had any connection with growing up was my sister “Sara.” We were both treated the same way by our mother. We were not wanted. And I always knew Sara was sad about something else.
Our mother’s discipline took the form of when something happened, she’d line us all up and tell us if the person who did it didn’t admit it, she was going to whip us all. Sara usually got upset, and I couldn’t take it, so I’d end up taking the beating. So while Mom screamed about why I did something, I honestly didn’t know what had been done, and she beat me until she wore herself out.
Now that I’m an adult, I realize that the one who did the deed probably realized all he had to do was keep quiet until I took the blame, and the others probably still thought I was the guilty party. I know he will never admit to anything. Sara’s sadness was because she was being raped by that brother, and Mom never believed her.
I am dirt to the rest of the family. The others don’t want anything to do with me. Must I just accept this, or can I change this? — FAMILY DISASTER IN INDIANA
DEAR FAMILY DISASTER: You and your siblings grew up in the very definition of a toxic environment. Your mother’s abuse damaged everyone. While you cannot change your siblings’ opinion of you, Sara can by speaking up about what really was going on in that house when you were all growing up. From reading your letter, it seems like a nightmare.