By Roger Moore
The Orlando Sentinel
Garry Marshall emptied his Facebook for “Valentine’s Day,” calling in favors, overstuffing this overlong ode to love with Oscar winners, up-and-comers and top Internet bikini searches. It’s an American “Love Actually” without the warmth that writer/director Richard Curtis stuffs into his all-star confections, without the wit and without much love, actually.
A chaotic cluster of interconnected characters court, collide and crack up in Los Angeles in this “Crash”-for-chocoholics. There’s no real overarching theme, with most characters reaching an obvious conclusion to their dilemma, though Marshall’s cast (Katherine Fugate scripted) still lands a few one-liners.
Ashton Kutcher plays a florist who proposes to his too-good-for-him girlfriend (Jessica Alba). He spends the day mooning over her to his employee (George Lopez) and his best friend (Jennifer Garner). The best friend is all gooey-eyed for her Valentine, a heart surgeon (Patrick Dempsey) who is always out of town on business and can’t walk by fruit without picking it up and juggling it.