Those in the entertainment business took some time off from giving each other awards to give each other awards and talk about race Sunday at the Oscars. They will now take a 14-day break from bestowing awards on themselves so they have time to make another crappy movie, record a song or go to rehab.
The Oscars is where self-absorbed Hollywood liberals gather each year to talk about how superficial Americans are and ask the question on the red carpet everyone wants to know: "Who are you wearing?" On display you'll find an alarming amount of side-boob and cleavage - and that's just from Michael Moore. Coincidentally, "Side-Boob" is attendee Joe Biden's Secret Service code name.
I know it is a cliché, but it's an honor for me to just be nominated to make fun of the Oscars. They remind me of the prancing at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, only with more butt-sniffing and blow dryers.
They are awards for movies, most mediocre at best, that very few people see but which carry a liberal message. Stars who demand $20 million per movie fly in on their private jets from film sets in Canada or U.S. states with the most movie-production tax incentives and talk about how greedy others are and how much carbon we produce.
And if you haven't seen Oscar Best Picture nominees "Room" or "Brooklyn," you really have to see them - and then tell me about them, 'cause there is no way I am paying $15 to sit through either one.
The audience ratings for the Oscars broadcast came in at a seven-year low. So few folks watched the Oscars that they have been nominated for an Oscar. The show went on so long that the last two winners were announced on "Good Morning America."
Unlike the Golden Globes, no booze or food is served at the Oscars. Serving food just confuses actresses since they're not around food much. Booze makes the Golden Globes more fun.
For some reason, the good and funny movies never get awarded. Will Ferrell was hilarious in "Talladega Nights" but won no award. Bill Murray won recognition for his role in the dreadful "Lost in Translation" but not for "Caddyshack." But dress up either actor in fancy old English clothing, put a scarf on him and stick him in a boring movie about racial or gay prejudice in the 1640s, and you have Oscar gold.
This year the fashionable worry was the absence of nominations for black actors. Chris Rock, after weeks of fending off calls from Al Sharpton to boycott his hosting duties, did well. He quipped, "Why is it that folks with no job always want you to quit yours?"
Hollywood has to play along with racism charges because they spend the year fanning fake outrage at manufactured racial issues. White actress Julie Delpy upset the Hollywood establishment when she said white actresses have it harder than blacks do in Hollywood. Her studio immediately sold her to another studio.
There are plenty of roles for black actors in movies or TV commercials. Almost every TV commercial features a white male making a comically bad decision about his cable TV, his car or his food, while a black actor knowingly shakes his or her head with a Willis-style "What you talking about?" as to how stupid white folks are. In fact, this is just about the only theme in commercials. Black actors who can do this well get plenty of work. On the other hand, black actors never get roles as the burglar in home security system commercials, so things balance out.
Hollywood liberals can be just as racist and greedy as anyone else as long as they act like they feel bad about it. The elephant in the room is that there should be no GOP elephants in the room. Stacey Dash, the lone conservative-outed African-American actress, was all but booed off the stage Sunday night. For the Left, "tolerance" is a one-way street. President Obama personifies this.
With the BET Awards, NAACP Image Awards and the like, I am not sure what the issue is here. I wish we could just live by what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said: "I have a dream that one day people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character-actor ability."
Contact Ron Hart at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.