Dear Abby: Unworkable living arrangement weighs heavily on young man

Jeanne Phillips

DEAR ABBY: Earlier this year I moved in with my boyfriend. We had dated more than a year and were close enough to see each other whenever our schedules allowed. Lately I have been second-guessing that decision. I’m noticing things that I realize won’t work. To make matters more complicated, I met a girl who became a good friend three months ago. She has inspired me to go back to college and improve my life. I find myself falling for her. The thing is, she just started dating someone, and I would never betray my partner by being unfaithful. I don’t know what to do. The relationship with my boyfriend is not going to work out, but I’m not going to violate my female friend’s relationship either. How do I deal with the fear that I’ll be miserable on my own again and the guilt of breaking my partner’s heart? – MIXED-UP GUY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIXED-UP GUY: Being unencumbered can be a positive thing. Start looking for alternative living arrangements, and when you find something that will work, explain to your boyfriend that you need to “make some changes.” As to your relationship with the young woman, whether she stays with the person she’s dating is something neither of us can predict. When you are single, she may become available. Or, you may meet someone else and start a relationship. Don’t be afraid. These are the things that make life interesting.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together six years. This Christmas will be our second year as a married couple. On Christmas morning, my husband goes over to his parents’ house to open gifts with his siblings. They are all adults; the oldest two are almost 40. Both are single. I’m not invited and have never been invited to their home, despite living five minutes away, because his mother is a hoarder.

We are expecting our first child in April. My husband works in law enforcement and is typically not off the entire day on Christmas. He calls me selfish and accuses me of trying to ruin their family tradition when I tell him this needs to end. I do not appreciate my husband taking off on me for four hours every Christmas morning. I want us to start our own traditions. Am I wrong? – WANTS OUR OWN TRADITIONS

DEAR WANTS: Be thankful you have never been invited to your MIL’s home because from your description, the experience wouldn’t be pleasant.