Opinion: Conservative Party caught in a spot with BoJo out

AP File Photo/Matt Dunham / With good policy decisions and a better haircut, outgoing British Prime Minister Boris Johnson might be welcome in the United States.

The United States has enjoyed a symbiotic relationship with Great Britain after it got over that whole War of Independence thing we did on them. The difference between treason and founding a country is entirely determined by whether you win or lose.

All of our presidents have done well with the UK except maybe Obama, who carried this grudge about colonialism. He thought colonialism was racist - but Obama thought everything was racist.

Even Trump enhanced our relationship with England and helped conservatives win there. That was good, because if things had not gone Trump's way he might have reverted to type and left Jolly Olde England for a hotter and younger Eastern European country. Trump met Boris Johnson, likely during a class action suit against Supercuts, and the kindred spirits became fast friends.

The Conservative Party, which swept into power in the UK in 2019, is under some pressure now. In the wake of several unforced errors, Prime Minister Boris Johnson had to step down. More of his underlings resigned than Kamala Harris' staffers did.

Many prime ministers step down. They are not like U.S. presidents; in the UK, prime ministers serve at the pleasure of Parliament.

Boris Johnson, or "B.J." as they call him, had parties when the country was shut down over COVID. He decreed that gatherings could not have more than six people; you know, like a Biden rally.

But Johnson having parties showed you what government really thought of COVID lockdowns. He got COVID-19, Queen Elizabeth was in bed with COVID-19, and Prince Andrew was in bed with Chloe-16.

Boris did not emote in the way the media wanted him to when one of his senior cabinet members was rumored to be getting handsy with young male staffers. The cabinet member said what he was doing was saving the country money by not buying bookmarks and instead just turning over a page. It was an "austerity move."

Boris purportedly impregnated his hairdresser girlfriend. And that is no longer cool, since our Me Too movement was emulated in England, where I think they more properly called it the "I, As Well" movement.

Winston Churchill would not have lasted a week in this "woke" political environment. And had we lost him and other scoundrels like FDR and Gens. MacArthur, Eisenhower, Bradley and Patton, we all would be speaking German now and goosestepping to the fuhrer.

Biden met with Boris Johnson to negotiate the Atlantic Charter. Biden said the biggest threat is white supremacy, and Johnson thinks it is global warming. They compromised, proclaiming "Global Whiteness" as our biggest problem.

In this world we live in, powerful world leaders now swap bike helmets; in the 1960s, the Kennedys swapped Marilyn Monroe. This is just more wussification of America. It is getting to where Biden now needs to wear a bike helmet all the time.

Biden did meet with Johnson on trade. They might have involved us taking Prince Andrew in exchange for Hunter Biden. Hopefully, they are negotiating with Russia to get Brittney Griner back. The anti-American basketball player suddenly values America. If she does come home, she needs to go into the Witness Protection Program, which I believe is called the WNBA.

I liked Boris Johnson, a bold Brexit guy who made good policy decisions. He channeled Ronald Reagan when he called America "the shining city on the hill" and the world's guarantor of freedom. We ought to get Johnson a proper haircut and print him up one of those Hawaiian birth certificates so he can run for office over here.

Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated satirist, author and TV/radio commentator, at [email protected] or Twitter @RonaldHart.

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