DEAR ABBY: I’m conflicted about a relationship I have developed with a 77-year-old lady I’ll call “Martha.” I have been acting as her caregiver.
For the first three years, I was addicted to pain pills, which Martha and I both get. I was so strung out I didn’t realize what kind of person she was. She expects me to be there every free minute, which, under different circumstances, would be fine. But I have a husband and a dog. I have since gotten sober, while Martha is still strung out. She threatens to destroy my life if I won’t do what she wants, and I’m scared to quit because we have loans together.
How do I start having a healthy balance with her and my life? Now that I’m sober, I realize how badly she has been treating me the whole time. Can you please advise me how to distance from her? – SOBER WOMAN IN GEORGIA
DEAR SOBER WOMAN: For the sake of your sobriety, your relationship with Martha must end. Do not allow yourself to be blackmailed into continuing one with her. She needs to find another caregiver, and you need to find another job. Because your name is on those loans, you may be obligated to pay them off if she doesn’t. This is why you should discuss this mess with an attorney. That Martha still abuses her meds means you may have some leverage.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I argue about returning gifts his parents give us. They buy excessively for their grandkids throughout the year, especially at holidays. They also buy multiple gifts for my husband and me. We are drowning in too much stuff and constantly battling clutter in our home.