Facebook has decided I'm most interested in three things: Ford trucks, baby-boomer hospitalizations and high school dances.
Due to the algorithms that decide what shows up in one's news feed, I get these three topics over and over again. Facebook's own website explains that the company's goal is "to show people the stories they care about most, every time they visit."
Really?
If Facebook actually knew what I care about most, my Facebook home page would be filled with posts about the Pittsburgh Steelers, small dogs and Hershey's chocolate syrup.
As far as I can figure, Facebook populates your news feed with posts, and if you read the posts, it gives you more of the same -- so everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Perhaps it sends me posts about Ford trucks because my son has two of them in the driveway. I'm convinced Facebook has some kind of satellite telescope that it points toward Earth and can see what you are doing at all times.
I know for a fact that my iPhone eavesdrops on my conversations and then whispers my interests to Facebook.
I asked someone the other day how much it costs to pave a driveway, and now I get ads on my Facebook page titled: How much does it cost to pave a driveway? If this is a coincidence, then I'm a monkey's uncle.
I had a short conversation with a friend about how to pack a carry-on bag for air travel, and now I get a daily stream of ads on Facebook about little suitcases.
The boomer hospitalization posts are a daily barrage. Partly, that's just a result of having older friends who need a lot of medical care. I have no problem with people asking for prayers. But some "update" posts are more appropriate than others. Cancer, yes. Colonoscopies, no.
The posts about high school dances are easy to explain. We have a son in high school and all of his friends' parents post pictures of their offspring dressed up for school formals and proms. We do it ourselves.
At spring break, it will be time for the endless photos of college visits. The easiest way to gain middle-class status is to post photos of you and your child visiting expensive schools they'll never attend.
One of my least favorite Facebook features is the "People you may know ..." scroll. Facebook shows me some of the same possible friends over and over. You'd think that once I passed on someone 100 times, Facebook would get the message and remove them from the list. But no.
Also, it amuses me that I can have 500 friends in common with someone on the list, yet I don't know them from Adam. It makes you realize that "friends" is a term used loosely in Facebook world.
When I'm doom scrolling on my phone, Facebook has become my final stop. Maybe because it puts me to sleep.
Getting banned from Facebook doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world.
If my account suddenly gets blocked, I'll know the Facebook overlords are reading my columns now, too.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.