I don't usually eat while typing, but today I made an exception.
Beside my computer is a 300-calorie, hockey-puck-shaped hunk of goodness known as a MoonPie.
I'm brushing crumbs off my keyboard with the back of my hand as I type, while gnawing on a double-stacked chocolate confection. Then, every few seconds, I blow on the laptop in case any micro-crumbs have fallen between the cracks.
Gross, right?
For us baby boomers, especially those of us who consider ourselves hillbillies, MoonPies are a lifelong comfort food. The cliche "RC Cola and a MoonPie" is an East Tennessee nosh.
Last Sunday, while I was making my family's weekly grocery run at Food City, I congratulated myself for making it through the cookie aisle without grabbing anything made by Nabisco or Keebler. Inflation has been unkind to my sweet tooth as I refuse to pay $5-plus for a pack of cookies.
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But just as I was feeling deprived, I saw an endcap brimming with a rack of MoonPies. Not only that, but I noticed that the Chattanooga-made snack cakes are among the most economical calories you can purchase.
My anti-sugar resolve melted when I realized a box of three, double-decker MoonPies was just $1.29. Whether it was a hometown discount, a temporary sale or the real-life "everyday low price" I don't know. But I quickly tossed a box into my grocery cart before I could lose my nerve. Heck, a candy bar at work costs more than $1.29.
When it comes to hometown-made treats, we are doubly blessed. A 12-pack of Little Debbie oatmeal creme pies is just $2.59, or only about 21 cents apiece.
I am fully aware that some people think sugary snacks are borderline poison. But you gotta die of something. Cheap food is not always the most nutritious, but sometimes it's necessary. If hard times come, some of us have simple tastes and could manage just fine on Southern comfort food. I merely have to open the kitchen cabinet in my childhood memory to see the brands in my mind's eye.
I actually went back to the supermarket (with a notepad this time) and made a list of the baby-boomer childhood foods you can still buy for cheap.
Here's what I came up with.
-- Kraft mac and cheese ($1.39): The familiar blue and yellow box is still a staple in our pantry. Our younger son asks for a bowl of mac and cheese about once a week. Sure you have to add milk and butter, but there's still no more economical meal you can make.
-- Luck's pinto beans (four cans for $5): Sure you can stew your own dried beans, but popping the top on a can of Luck's is just so easy, and it's the Southern way. I'm not too proud to make a meal of pintos and cornbread (or rice).
-- Jiffy corn muffin mix (69 cents): That's right, 69 cents. That puts half a dozen corn muffins and a can of Luck's beans at less than $2 total.
-- Minute rice ($2.50 a box): While not as cheap as muffin mix, this is a multiserving portion of starch that goes a long way. Add mushroom soup and a protein, and you've got the foundation of many a Southern casserole dish.
-- Campbell's beef soup ($1.89): When I was a toddler, my Grandmother Kennedy used to keep children in her house. For lunch every day, we had Campbell's beef soup (with barley), cut generously with tap water, and applesauce. Sixty years later, I still sometimes crave that combo.
-- Food City white bread ($2.29 a loaf): If you shop for groceries, you've no doubt noticed the skyrocketing price of loaf bread. If you are on a deep budget, stick with the cheap stuff. When I write "house white" on my grocery list, I'm not talking about wine.
-- Peter Pan peanut butter ($2.99 for 16 ounces), Gwaltney bologna ($2.19 per pound), Mrs. Grissom's pimento cheese spread ($4.19 for 11 ounces): You're going to need something to put on that white bread, and this trifecta offers a week's worth of protein for less than $10. It also feels very 1960s, which is in the boomer go zone.
-- Bananas (65 cents per pound): Before the dietitians have me arrested for this low-cost hillbilly diet, let's throw in some bananas. Per pound, they are still the best bargain in the produce section.
-- Pop-Tarts (unfrosted, $2.49 per box): We started this column with an ode to MoonPies. Let's circle back to our sweet tooth and mention Pop-Tarts as a throwback delicacy. An 8-pack box is less than $2.49. Eat two and your breakfast costs 62 cents. Why two? Because, as baby boomer Jerry Seinfeld notes, astutely, "One is not enough, and three is too many."
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.