You turn on an NFL game in December between the Chicago Bears and the New England Patriots inside the Windy City's Soldier Field, you expect to see snow flakes flying around as wickedly as Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher.
What you don't expect is to see similar flakes moving at similar speeds outside your Chattanooga area den window.
But there I was Sunday afternoon, the snow in my backyard almost as intense as the snow in Chicago, though I swear my basset hound ran better routes to his favorite backyard spots than Da Bears did against the Patriots.
Still, if we can have a parallel universe between Ch-ch-ch-Chi-Town and Ch-ch-ch-Chatt-Town when it comes to snowflakes, why can't some of these coaching hires similarly cross over from the sublime to the ridiculous.
For instance, why is Miami trying to clean up its act and its image by hiring Temple's Al Golden, a no-nonsense guy with a spotless record who once both played for and worked under the ultimate Boy Scout - Penn State's ageless Joe Paterno?
Sure, Golden's done wonders with the Owls, winning 19 games over the past two seasons after going 1-11 his first year on the job. He also dramatically improved the school's Academic Progress Rating, a newly important factor when choosing a coach.
But these are also the Hurricanes we're talking about, the original Bad Boys of college football, no taunt too outrageous, no tackle too hard or too cheap.
Yes, most schools would cringe over such behavior, but it worked for the 'Canes. They won five national championships between 1983 and 2001, playing the kind of in-your-face football that became the envy of almost every urban high school athlete in the land.
Maybe Golden can resurrect that golden age without bringing back the outlaw image - and the university proper would no doubt like to have a football team that much more closely mirrors its superior academic reputation - but a leopard can't change its spots and the 'Canes shouldn't change their image.
What they should have done was bring back Jimmy Johnson, who won the second of the school's five titles before heading to the Dallas Cowboys to become the first coach to win both a college title and the Super Bowl.
Certainly, his recent shilling for a male enhancement product might be viewed by some as not projecting a proper college image, but, hey, it's Jimmy Johnson. Stunning young football talent from across the country would flock to play for Coach Frozen Hair, rightly convinced that he could both lengthen their NFL stay and shorten their college purgatory.
(As a side note, the only other coach to win both a Super Bowl and a national championship was the man who replaced Johnson in Big D - Barry Switzer, whose Oklahoma Sooners were Miami in terms of off-court excess long before the 'Canes reigned. So that need for coaches to be good role models is clearly overrated.)
Closer to home, Sunday's rumors that Vanderbilt will name Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn as its new coach also raise eyebrows.
There's no question that Malzahn can X and O with the best of them and at Vandy he'll have plenty of kids with minds bright enough to execute those plays to perfection.
But can a guy who was coaching high school football in Arkansas as late as 2005 construct a staff strong enough to recruit players with enough athletic skills to make those plays work against SEC defenses.
As noted offensive genius Steve Spurrier realized when he went to the NFL, Xs and Os take a back seat to talent at some point. No matter how creative his plays, if Malzahn's attempting to get a running back or wideout with 4.6 speed in the 40-yard dash past a defensive back with 4.35 speed, he's going to lose.
No, if the Commodores want a high school legend to make them competitive in the SEC, they should turn to the closest thing the state of Tennessee has to Jimmy Johnson or Barry Switzer. They should turn to Signal Mountain's Bill Price.
Price can quickly turn a loser into a winner better than anyone in the state. Or, in the case of Signal Mountain, a new program into a state champ.
And unlike a lot of guys at the prep level, he's an end-justifies-the-means guy. Just as retiring Florida coach Urban Meyer could discuss discipline and character with a straight face as his Gators were running afoul of the law 30 times over six years, Price managed to sort of ignore an underage drinking incident that might have kept Signal Mountain from winning its state title last week.
That's an SEC mentality if ever there was one.
Now all Price needs is a chance. Sadly, who Vanderbilt really needed was Golden, who would have been a better fit the Commodores than the 'Canes.
Contact Mark Wiedmer at mwiedmer@timesfreepress.com and 423-757-6273.