published Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

5-at-10: Halloween scares and scars

Happy Halloween. We love the draft (you know this), and right behind that we love a good theme show. So we could talk about the opening night of the NBA — cramping LeBron and the Heat were fun to watch and the fact that Game 1 of the season was filled with drama and energy speaks volumes — or the fact that Derek Dooley is on the hot seat, but we'll have plenty of time to cover that stuff.

Remember our Friday mailbag — we've got a couple of open spots — and buckle up for our Halloween 5-at-10. And remember Spy, they're not trying to scare you, they are saying, "Boooooooooo," when you walk in as a sign of love.

From the "Talks too much" studios, let's do the mash, let's do the Monster Mash...

Scariest sights in sports

We're going to have fun with a bunch of lists today, so there won't be any "O.J. Simpson at the door with the gardening shears" or "Jerry Sandusky. Period." references. Deal? Deal.

So what are the scariest things in sports today? Here's a top-5 in 10 words or less (yes, the soon-to-be-patented 5-in-10 by the 5-at-10):

1) Coming to the Nick Saban's sideline after making a mental mistake: Alabama's depth demands perfection, and Saban is perfection's protector.

2) San Francisco closer Brian Wilson's attire: Painted nails, beard from Hades, dude, there are kids watching.

3) LeBron in the open floor: James will posterize anyone; at full speed he's just different.

4) Needing a big-time play and seeing Gene Chizik on the sideline looking for Gus or Cam: Name a more confused major college coach than Mean Gene.

(Side note: We know a lot of Johnny Vols Fans who would have "Seeing Derek Dooley on the UT sidelines in 2013" on this list. A lot of them.)

5) Realizing that the playoff baseball game you want to watch is on Fox and Joe Buck and Tim McCarver will be doing the broadcast: No more explanation needed.

(Side note: If Billy Packer, Tim McCarver, Joe Morgan, Andre Ware and Chris Berman were left on a deserted island, who's the last mouth left talking? We got Berman as the 1 seed followed by McCarver, Packer, Morgan and Andre. Sorry, Andre, you're bad, but not ready for that level of competition.)

Scariest sights in sports (all-time)

The above are current — more or less: What about all-time?

1) Stepping into the ring with Mike Tyson: Everyone had a plan until they get punched.

2) Being isolated on the wing with MJ in a tight game: Even if you stopped him, the refs called a foul.

3) Batting lefty against Randy Johnson: Ask John Kruk about this one.

4) Being Lance Armstrong's teammate: Dude took his shot and was a stick-ler for unity.

5) Stepping into the hole, one-on-one, and trying to tackle Christian Okoye, Barry Sanders or Walter Payton: Okoye trucks you, Sanders embarrasses you, Sweetness did both.

Best sports Halloween costumes

Need a last minute suggestion? We're here to help.

We've done the 5-in-10 by the 5-at-10, so let's make this a Mt. Rushmore:

— We know a few folks who are going as Bobby Petrino this year (red face paint, neck brace and red shirt and hat, easy peasy, lemon squeezie);

— You could be a replacement ref, just get the stripped shirt, a cane and the dark glasses that your Granny wears.

— Go as Anthony Davis: You have our permission to buy his UK jersey — or even his Hornets jersey — for this occasion. And don't forget the black-taped unibrow — this is a must.

— And there are two of our all-time favorite fall-backs: Troy Polamalu with the wig and Bill Swerski's superfans from the Da Bears skits.

Side note: One of our best Halloween costume ever was going as the Denorex Shampoo guy. We built a table around our waste and secured a Denorex bottle and a Head and Shoulders bottle to it. We put shaving cream on one side of our head and soap on the other, and walked around telling everyone, "This side tingles; this side nothing. And the tingle tells you it's working."

It was not unlike the photo here.

This and That (real sports version)

— Talk about an opener? Wowser. The Heat beat the Celtics 120-107 in a game that featured Rajon Rondo getting physical with Dwyane Wade, who called Rondo's theatrics "a punk play." It also featured Kevin Garnett ignoring former teammate and current Heat guard Ray Allen's handshake. It's in the books, Heat-Celtics are now must-see TV.

— We have not spent a lot of time talking about this, but Will Muschamp needs to get a hold of his emotions. Hey, we're all for intensity. And we understand there will be some foul language on the sidelines of big-boy sporting events. But Florida's Coach Boom needs to reel it in more than a little bit. His blue tongue and vein-popping reactions on Saturday were over the top.

— The NCAA announced a new punishment system for rule-breakers. The governing body of college sports vows swifter punishments (they couldn't be more slow) and harsher penalties that could include seven-to-eight-figure fines and direct penalties on head coaches of rogue programs. The better news from the announcement includes that the two-tier penalty structure of major and secondary violations — which was as dated as rabbit-eared TVs and rotary telephones — has been replaced by four levels of penalties of severe breach of conduct, significant breach of conduct, breach of conduct and incidental issues. Is this a good thing? Hopefully, but as with all things NCAA, we'll see.

— The 5-at-10 loves the draft. You know this. So we're going to be in for an added treat Saturday when Alabama and LSU play, because as our SEC ace David Paschall tells us here, there will be a ton of first-round talent on the field. Literally it could be a ton, as in roughly 2,000 pounds of first-round guys.

Today's question

What's the best scary movie ever?

Here's our Rushmore, and remember that when you watched it — and the looming, creepy memory of that movie can be more scary that the actual movie — carries a lot of weight. In fact, scary movies from our childhood grow in stature through the years not unlike the fish we caught with our PawPaw or the creek we used to jump or the first ball field we hit an over-the-fence home run.

So the first real scary movie we saw — you know the one — becomes a memory combination the size Moby Dick, the Mississippi River and Dodger Stadium. So it goes. (Another reason there are a slew of dated movies on this list is that the Mrs. 5-at-10 hates, Hates, HATES scary movies, so it's been at least 10 years since we've seen one in the theater.)

Our Rushmore of scary movies: Exorcist, Jaws, Shining, Poltergeist.

Discuss, and Happy Halloween.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
chas9 said...

Jay, since Halloween is about decline, decay and death, will you be dressing up as a headless Auburn football player? Or would that traumatize the kids? I may go as The Joker, though I can equally picture that big question mark on Chizik's chest. Or Dave Hart's.

Advice to all: Don't try the Uniblocker look if you're under 5'11'' or if you are a regular at the fast food drive-through. You can't pull off the look.

Must be something wrong with me. I found all four of Jay's scary flicks boring. But I did jump when the intruder leapt out on the blind lady in Wait Until Dark and when the first alien burst through the distended abdomen in the first Alien.

As for the baddest broadcaster question, is the biggest villain the one who talks longest, or the one who has no worthwhile insights and says his nothing in a boring way?

Rajon or Rajion?

October 31, 2012 at noon
BIspy4 said...

Other scary sights (other than Rosie O'Donnell in your kitchen or most Hollywood stars without their makeup):

Being lined up under center and looking across at Ray Lewis or Dick Butkus.

Hearing Giants closer Brian Wilson say, "It's time to get weird" after the Gigantes won the Series two years ago. I mean, if things aren't weird right then and there, just where are they going if that guy says it's time to get weird?

Never been a big fright flick fan so I won't disagree with any of the 5's picks. Could add Fatal Attraction in there, though. That'll make a man think twice, you know?

5, if you get a chance, Norman Chad eviscerated television talking heads in a column the other day, specifically Mike Mayock of the NFL network.

October 31, 2012 at 12:26 p.m.
fechancellor said...

Scariest sights in sports: Joe Thiesman's compound fracture courtesy by LT.

Jack Tatum's hit the paralyzed Darrell Stingley.

Tony Robinson's broken leg courtesy of Cornelius Bennet during '85 Tennessee/Bama game.

October 31, 2012 at 12:31 p.m.
mcpell3 said...

fec - I'll add Latimore's injury last weekend to that.

As for scary movies the Amityville horror spooked me for a long time. And yes chas, i jumped about 3 ft in wait until dark.

October 31, 2012 at 12:50 p.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

In addition to the youth viewing, there's also what scares you.

Aliens don't scare me. Not sure they exist and if they do Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum got it handled.

The devil scares us (and there's a fair argument to be made that the Exorcist III was every bit as scary as No. 1). Jaws? Still have our head on a swivel when we're in the ocean. And the clown scene in Poltergeist got us B-A-D.

Another scene that deserves mention is in "When a Stranger Calls" and they tell the girl they have traced the call... And it's coming from inside the house.

Spy —

Everything is scary about Rosie. Everything.

Fatal Attraction is a good call.

FE to the C —

Excellent calls. In fact, we meant to put an injury division up there and Thiesman, Tatum's hit, Tim Krumrie's broken leg and Dave Draveky's arm snapping were our four.

T-Robinson, Lattimore and Prothro injuries were right on the edge too.

McPell —

Amityville was a good. It also makes us smile thinking of the Eddie Murphy stand-up about it.

— 5-at-10

October 31, 2012 at 1:07 p.m.
TennFlyer said...

Excellent choices on the scary movie Rushmore, Jaws the book was actually scarier than the movie. As far as sports injuries, anytime a horse breaks down in a big race pains me. They know they are hurt and we all know how it ends.

October 31, 2012 at 1:07 p.m.
jgreeson said...

From friend of the show StuckinKent —

I've got six year old twin boys. One is going as Tyler Bray and one is going as Anthony Davis. Definitely got the unibrow going. I keep on joking with my wife that we need to give the Bray dress up an empty beer bottle that he keeps on hitting cars with, but she's not a fan.

October 31, 2012 at 1:10 p.m.
dawg747 said...

Ten Cup: You need to add Brent Musberger to your deserted island. The dude is worse than finger nails on a chalk board. As for the scariest sprots figure I remember the Mad Hungarian Al Hrabosky as being pretty scary. I would have hated to see what would have happened to the wide receiver from Florida the other day if he had comitted a personal foul instead of 12 men breaking from the huddle when Muschamp went all over him on the sidelines. Dude looked like he was fixing to have a coronary talking to him. Sacriest movie: any Nightmare on Elm Street.

October 31, 2012 at 1:17 p.m.
chas9 said...

TF--Amen about the horses.

5 ball--Dravecky was sure cringe-worthy. What, no mention of Bo's hip?

Scary sports moment--Iron Mike chewing off an ear.

Scary costume idea: Dress up as a butt-chugger. Use your imagination.

October 31, 2012 at 1:21 p.m.
jgreeson said...

TennFlyer —

Horse injuries are heartbreaking.

And scary books are like a big bag of M&M's for fat kids — you just can't stop until it's complete. A ton of Steven King's stuff, including Needful Things (which was a junk movie but a great book).

Stuck —

We're not Ward Clever, but mentioning your 6-year-old and beer bottles never makes mommy smile.

747 —

Yes, Musberger is invited to the island. Heck, Musberger may be the 2 seed behind Berman.

October 31, 2012 at 1:32 p.m.
Stewwie said...

Tough loss for the Lakers last night. But remember that the Heat started something like 9-9 two years ago after LeBron took his talents to South Beach. Then they made the Finals. Dwight Howard must work on his free throw shooting...expect teams to employ a Hack-a-Dwight strategy at times throughout the season.

Agreed from your comment a day or two ago that the James Harden trade may nix OKC's chances at a title this year. But it was the right move long-term for the team since Harden wouldn't sign the extension that was offered. I never can tell what to think about the Spurs. Each season, I think they're finally too old to compete at a high level, then they end up as a top team again and again.

Lil' Stewwie and I ventured down to the Arena last night for the Blue-Gold game while Mrs. Stewwie cleaned house. The young guys have a spring in their step, can shoot, and look confident. I think the predicted 5th place finish in the division is appropriate, but here's hoping they will "surprise some people" as Shulman predicted.

Question for the mailbag: I think that UTC's Fire defense is effective when it's run at certain times during a game (but not the whole game). You said last year that the Fire D is flawed at its core. Can you give us a brief overview on how to play that D and then explain why you think UTC (or any team) shouldn't use it?

October 31, 2012 at 1:45 p.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

Clay Travis had a pumpkin cut as a butt-chugger on his web site some time in the last week. It was pretty comical.

Iron Mike may be the single scariest sports dude of our lifetime. In fact, if you had to finish the following sentence with any sports celeb, Tyson on the short list:

Stewwie —

We were going to head down the Arena, but we piled a bunch of leaves up in the yard and jumped in them for an hour with the tots. (Yes, Spy, you can take the boy out of Smyrna but you can't take Smyrna out of the boy.)

We think the Mocs will surprise some folks. And we believe this bunch will be 100-percent more likable than that dumpster fire from last year. Heck, last year's Mocs hoops squad — not unlike this year's AU football team — is a worse sum than its individual parts. And that's never good.

— 5-at-10

"Wow, did you hear (insert sports celeb here) killed a total stranger."

October 31, 2012 at 1:59 p.m.
chas9 said...

I don't know if KY basketball all-access is over the line as Weeds asks, but Auburn (or Tennessee) football all-access might be more dramatic than seeing what Cal packs in his lunch.

October 31, 2012 at 4:02 p.m.
mcpell3 said...

chas from what i've seen on the field - filming auburn's meetings on offensive strategy would probably rival paint drying.

October 31, 2012 at 4:13 p.m.
bigguy said...

I heard the UT football team was masquarading as a football team for Halloween.

October 31, 2012 at 8:33 p.m.
please login to post a comment

Other National Articles

videos »         

photos »         

e-edition »


Find a Business

400 East 11th St., Chattanooga, TN 37403
General Information (423) 756-6900
Copyright, Permissions, Terms & Conditions, Privacy Policy, Ethics policy - Copyright ©2014, Chattanooga Publishing Company, Inc. All rights reserved.
This document may not be reprinted without the express written permission of Chattanooga Publishing Company, Inc.