Dads2Dads: Teaching your teen to talk

photo Tom Tozer and Bill Black

Most of us are hesitant to express opinions when we think our viewpoint is not widely shared. This has been referred to as the "spiral of silence."

Social media was supposed to be a place that would encourage broad dialogue and diverse viewpoints. Surprisingly, however, a new report from the Pew Research Center finds that, even with a smorgasbord of communication opportunities in our electronic world, people are less likely to speak up about issues when they think their viewpoint is not widely shared.

The Pew study, which focused on the Edward Snowden/National Security Agency story, shows that social media is not providing the forum for opinions or debate that was once envisioned. People who believe their friends and followers disagree with them are less likely to state their views online or even face-to-face.

The more we are exposed to the diverse opinions out there, the more tempted we might be to remain neutral -- or at least silent -- even when we may feel passionate about our viewpoint. Could it be that social media is actually causing us to clam up?

Research shows that most of us rely on friends and associates to express their opinions before we offer our own. This is especially true of our teens. They are notably reluctant to appear out of step with their peers.

Yet, in our educational institutions, we focus on teaching students to think critically and independently and to be bold voices for their own viewpoints. After all, think how often the minority voice has proven to be right.

So why are teens reluctant to diverge from the group norm? And why hasn't social media proven to be their platform of choice for rebellion and contrariness? Teens may not want others to know their beliefs. They may be afraid of negative feedback, rejection, ridicule or losing friends.

There is also the permanence of the Internet. A careless comment, even an unpopular viewpoint, will linger in cyberspace forever -- possibly affecting one's public image or advancement later.

You can help your child think about issues and express opinions in a safe way.

Together, choose a topic and the best time and place to talk. Start with an easy subject based on an incident at school, a book, TV program, play or news article. Discuss a person's action, decision or comment. Keep it simple. More complex issues can come later. Right now you want to practice talking and listening. Communication is, perhaps, the most difficult activity for humans to do well.

As the Pew Research study shows, certain factors impact an individual's willingness to share an alternative opinion, such as level of confidence in the topic, strength of the opinion and level of interest in the subject. Find subjects in which your teen is interested and you will be on your way to helping develop a person who is comfortable expressing his or her own perspective.

Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of the new book "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.

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