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NFL power poll
Do we truly know anything about the NFL?
I say, not really.
We are in a place when the Chiefs have a brat at QB1 who whines about the ref making the correct call.
We are in a place when the Titans win, and the Giants win, and the Jets win, and the Bears win, all at their own expense, mind you, with QB1 play that featured the worst pick-six in recent memory, a NYC QB who has the name straight from "My Cousin Vinny" a reclamation project of a BYU grad in the Big Apple and Justin Fields auditioning for the rest of the league.
We are in a place where Arthur Smith used to a perceived offensive guru and now can't find success with more toys than a spoiled rich kid on Christmas morning.
We are in a place where the three best QB1s in the league overall are a second-rounder, a third-rounder and the very last pick in the draft.
We are in a place where the artist formerly known as Joe Flacco is a viable QB1 for a playoff contender that has a championship defense.
So yeah, someone cur Sgt. Schultz from "Hogan's Heroes."
"We know NOTHING."
Like Santa after a long night of breaking and entering (seriously, Santa's the greatest cat burglar of all time right?), let's make our way back to the poll.
Powerful
1. San Francisco (10-3). Man, when your team has the best RB1 in the league, the best LT in the league, a TE1 as good as anyone else (including Mr. Taylor Swift), a WR1 who is arguably the most versatile offensive player in the league and the league's best defense, yeah, you are poised to be the front-runner no?
2. Dallas (10-3). How about this for a bucking contradiction to Bill Parcells' mantra of "You are what you're record says you are" friends? Dallas is 10-3 with a scoring differential of plus-188. Philly is 10-3 with a scoring differential of plus-21.
3. Baltimore (10-3). Man, a walk-off punt return is kind of cool right? Side question for the group: Lamar Jackson, Hall of Famer? Discuss. Side question on the side question: You could have either in their prime, you taking Lamar or Mike Vick? Go.
4. Philadelphia (10-3). Yes, they have been exposed over the past two weeks in blowout losses to Dallas and San Fran. But that also is about the dudes on the other side, too. The biggest concerns for these Eagles are a) lack of depth among difference makers on the perimeter and b) a secondary that has more holes than wool socks left at a moth convention.
5. You pick it among a list of hollow and fraudulent contenders. Detroit has the best record of the next group. Kansas City has the best player in Patty Mahomes when he's not combining his home and auto-cry baby savings into one disappointing post-game tantrum. Miami looked to be poised to have the best offense, but can you make the list when you lose a must-have game — at home — to Tennessee? Records aside, do not sleep on the Bills, who are comfortable on the road and have a guy in Josh Allen who can win any game — or lose any game.
Powerless
28. Las Vegas (5-8). There are a slew of stinky-pants 5-8 teams from which to choose, but when the Raiders lose 3-0 to a Minnesota team so battered and beaten up than Hawkeye Pierce and Col. Henry Blake were roaming the sidelines, they find themselves among the powerless.
29. Washington (4-9). OK, it sucks to be a Washington sports fan right now. Like super-duper stinks. Commanders are 4-9 in a legit division and have little hope for the foreseeable future. The Washington Wizards are 3-19 and are not last in the NBA because the Detroit Pistons have lost 20 straight games. Wait, what? Really? Heck, the Nationals finished 71-91, 33 games back of the Braves in the NL East. That means as of this moment, since the start of MLB in the spring, Washington professional sports teams are, wait for it, 78-119 across those three sports.
30. Arizona (3-10). If I asked you to name your favorite Cardinals player of all-time, how many baseball names pop into your mind before you get to Larry Fitzgerald?
31. New England (3-10). I am a big believer in tanking. Truly. It's the smart play — unless you don't have your first-round pick like some team we could mention — and could mean a huge difference in the next draft. That said, the Pats winning Sunday felt like a DNA kind of thing if that makes sense.
32. Carolina (1-12). Is this the worst NFL team of all time? Yes, I know the Parcells cliché and there will always be those winless Detroit Lions from several years ago. But these Panthers are 1-12 in a division that does not have a single team with a winning record, have fired a first-year coach and have already traded away what almost certainly will be pick 1 in next spring's draft. Yikes.
Bowling memories
OK, before we get to the contest, let's ponder this:
Most famous bowling scenes from movies, but that one has a pretty clear cut top three with "Don't (mess) with Jesus" from "The Big Lebowski" the end scene from "King Pin" and Uncle Buck taking Miles and Mazy to the alleys.
So, if you'd prefer, most famous bowlers from TV shows? Go.
And remember to enter the bowl contest.
What bowl contest you wonder? Glad you asked.
Ladies and gentleman, the Bowling for Bowls of Bowl Game Success (Bowler Optional) official entry form.
Couple of house cleaning items. No purchase necessary. Your friends, family and anyone foolish enough not to be a regular is also welcome to play. These listed spreads are final. Yes, half of Georgia's team may opt out, but the line listed below is what we are dealing with for these happenings.
Also, don't highlight your picks. It makes it more difficult in the tabulating process. Some of you are spread-sheeters. And that's fine. If you want to circle your picks, fine. If you want to cut and paste the entire list below, then leave your pick so the entire column would look like this.
Rose Bowl — Alabama
Sugar Bowl — Texas (minus-3.5)
Cool?
Also A-OK. But the highlighting does not show on a print-out. Fire away. Need these by the end of business on Friday, Dec. 15. Deal? Deal.
1-point games
Myrtle Beach Bowl — Georgia Southern vs. Ohio (-2.5)
New Orleans Bowl — Louisiana vs. Jacksonville State (-2.5)
Cure Bowl — Miami (Ohio) vs. App State (-3.5)
New Mexico Bowl — Fresno State vs. New Mexico State (-2.5)
Arizona Bowl — Wyoming vs Toledo (-1.5)
Toastery Bowl — Old Dominion vs. Western Kentucky (pick 'em)
68 Ventures Bowl — Eastern Michigan vs. South Alabama (-16.5)
2-point games
Independence Bowl — Cal vs. Texas Tech (-3.5)
Frisco Bowl — Marshall vs. UTSA (-8.5)
Boca Raton Bowl — South Florida vs. Syracuse (-5.5)
Birmingham Bowl — Duke vs. Troy (-5.5)
Camellia Bowl — Northern Illinois vs Arkansas State (-1.5)
Armed Forces Bowl — Air Force vs. James Madison (-4.5)
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl — Utah State vs. Georgia State (-3.5)
3-point games
L.A. Bowl — Boise State vs. UCLA (-2.5)
Las Vegas Bowl — Northwestern vs. Utah (-7.5)
Hawai'i Bowl — Coastal Carolina vs. San Jose State (-7.5)
Quick Lane Bowl — Bowling Green vs. Minnesota (-5.5)
First Responder Bowl — Rice vs. Texas State (-6.5)
Guaranteed Rate Bowl — UNLV vs. Kansas (-11.5)
Military Bowl — Tulane vs. Virginia Tech (-5.5)
Liberty Bowl — Memphis vs. Iowa State (-6.5)
4-point games
Gasparilla Bowl — Georgia Tech vs. UCF (-6.5)
Duke's Mayo Bowl — UNC vs. West Virginia (-3.5)
Holiday Bowl — USC vs. Louisville (-6.5)
Fenway Bowl — Boston College vs. SMU (-10.5)
Pinstripe Bowl — Rutgers vs. Miami (-4.5)
Pop-Tarts Bowl — NC State vs. Kansas State (-4.5)
Alamo Bowl — Oklahoma vs. Arizona (-3)
Sun Bowl — Oregon State vs. Notre Dame (-10.5)
5-point games
Texas Bowl — Oklahoma State vs. Texas A&M (-4.5)
Gator Bowl — Kentucky vs. Clemson (-6.5)
Cotton Bowl — Missouri vs. THE Ohio State (-3.5)
Peach Bowl — Ole Miss vs. Penn State (-4.5)
Music City Bowl — Maryland vs. Auburn (-2.5)
Orange Bowl — FSU vs. Georgia (-13.5)
ReliaQuest Bowl — Wisconsin vs. LSU (-10.5)
Citrus Bowl — Iowa vs. Tennessee (-7.5)
Fiesta Bowl — Liberty vs. Oregon (-3.5)
7-point game
Rose Bowl — Alabama vs. Michigan (-1.5)
Sugar Bowl — Washington vs. Texas (-3.5)
10-point bonus
National champion (just the winner, no spread)
Funny money
So the monster story over the weekend was the Dodgers signing Shohei Ohtani to a 10-year, $700 million contract.
Yeah, it's crazy, whack, funky money.
Like if Ohtani stayed 100% healthy next year and got 700 ABs — something that has happened exactly four times in the history of baseball — he'd theoretically be making $100,000 every time he walked to the plate since a) he won't pitch in 2024 because of arm issues and b) he's solely a DH next year.
That's some kind of appearance fee, huh?
Well, now details come out that the Dodgers did some magical movements of the money.
Over the next decade, Shohei will get $2 million per year in salary and the Dodgers have deferred — interest-free, mind you — an annual salary of $68 million per year to Ohtani starting in 2033.
So the Dodgers are still in position to spend, spend, spend, because they have extra salary on hand and they will save $46 million per year in luxury taxes.
Yeah, here's betting some teams a) have a BIG issue with this and b) try to match this kind of deal for every big-ticket free agent that comes down the pipe.
Now, a couple of things that should be said as Ohtani gives the Dodgers a HUGE break and team discount.
Ohtani is one of the biggest earners in terms of endorsements, making well north of $40 million a year here and in Japan. Second, reports from The Athletic rightly note that Shohei will save hundreds of millions in California state taxes by taking the vast bulk of this money after he no longer lives or works in that state.
Somewhere Bobby Bonilla is smiling and saying, "My man."
This and that
— You know the rules. Here's Paschall on the Vols secondary dudes looking hard at portaling.
— Not shocking to make this connection, but as the AP headline noted, the All-American team is loaded with fifth- and sixth-year players. Let's end that COVID-19 catastrophe, no?
— Jon Rahm has been suspended by the PGA Tour. And here we go again. If you are truly focused on merging with LIV, shouldn't the suspensions levied against stars who are now accepting the money be something you reconsider? Discuss.
— Wow, so Tom Curran — a guy who is apparently a Patriots insider — has written that the decision has been made and this will be the final year of Bill Belichick in a Pats hoodie. Not sure how I feel about this to be honest.
Today's questions
True or false, it's Tuesday. Morning, Ern.
Got a few up there already — true or false, Lamar Jackson is a Hall of Famer; true or false you would take Lamar Jackson in his prime over Mike Vick in his prime.
Let's add a few:
True or false, MLB will stop the "Shohei deferred payments" contracts moving forward.
True or false, the Chiefs are cooked this year.
True or false, the Dolphins are frauds.
True or false, you will wager on more than one college football bowl game.
True or false, Shohei at $2 million per year for the next decade is the biggest "team friendly" deal in sports history.
As for today, Dec. 12, let's review.
It is a day that some bona fide super stars are/would be celebrating birthday days.
Bob Barker would be 100 today. He's on the shortlist of best game show hosts ever.
Sinatra would have been 108 today. Yeah, he oozes GOAT-ness in a lot of ways.
Jennifer Connelly is 53. Wowser.
It's also 12-12, which makes me curious about the Rushmore of 12. Not dozen, mind you but actually "12."
Go and be creative.