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Happy New Year.
Is Trading Places the best New Year's Eve movie of all time?
I mean that time that Paul Gleason got trapped in a gorilla suit a future U.S. senator was playing the part of a stoned baggage handler to perfection is aces, right?
Then there is a Jim Belushi sighting in his skivvies. C'mon.
"Looking good Billy Ray."
"Feeling good Winthrop."
Let's do this as quickly as we can on a weekend that was as busy as this last one.
Weekend winners
Lane Kiffin. Yikes, the hype train is already circling around Hotty Toddy. Will Ole Miss be preseason top-five? I think yes. More college football in a moment.
Lamar 'Bleeping' Jackson. Put some respect on the name of the NFL MVP. Yikes. That was an exclamation point performance as the Ravens clinched the AFC 1 seed by curb-stomping the Dolphins.
CCS hoops. Wow, the girls' team won the Best of Preps with a freshman and an eighth-grader (who was tourney MVP) leading the way. The boys' team got to the finals before losing to McCallie. That's a strong showing.
Braves fans. You have to trust in AA. Have to. And if he thinks Chris Sale has gas left in the tank — and all you gave up was a minor-leaguer slugger who still is looking for an everyday position — then go with it. And know this: Sale only has to be full strength for six weeks — from Sept. 14 to Nov. 2 — for this trade to be 100% worth it.
Fab 4 picks. We will cover more of this in the Jays Plays afternoon email. C'mon people, you know I work every day. Holidays. We had the flu around the 5-at-10 compound — it skipped me; this is the first year ever I was the only member of the clan to get vaccinated — but we're still pounding keys. You are here for me. I am here for you. May 2024 be our best year yet. Bowl picks went 4-1 over the weekend. That'll do. Our only miss being...
Weekend losers
Hugh Freeze. I appreciate that Hugh landed a huge signing class. Truly. I know that took a lot of his time and focus. But being unprepared for New Mexico State with Alabama waiting the following week was bad. Being unprepared for Maryland, which used its second- and third-string QBs is borderline coaching malpractice. Dang, Hugh, just when I was prepared to swear you were him, this is what you drop on the field.
Drivers in the 423. A 10-year-plan? For real? Not sure when or why the powers that be let the road conditions in and around our lovely city get so terrible — cue Chuck Barkley's "TURRRRIBLE" — but it has happened. And now the state has a 10-year plan that needs private sector help? Egad. Makes me think of the great "Uncle Buck" scene when he explains to his sister-in-law that he is on a five-year plan to quit smoking. "I'm on to a five-year plan now. I eliminated the cigarettes. I'm on to cigars now. Then I go to pipes then I got chewing tobacco. Then I am on to that nicotine gum."
Dan Campbell. Look, I appreciate analytics. I embrace analytics if we are being honest. But there comes a time when analytics and common sense collide. It also gets us back to the point where every NFL team needs a bona fide Madden Xbox pro on the sideline for every clock-management, fourth-down and extra-point decision. Because every great Madden player would have gone for the 2 in Detroit's 20-19 loss at Dallas, but all of them would have kicked the PAT and headed to overtime after the BS penalty.
Speaking of that, there's entirely too much riding on NFL games these days — from TV money to everyday sports wagerers like you and your cousin Eddie ("Merry Christmas Clark, bleepers full") — for the officiating to be this controversially bad. Seriously, Clark? Hey, Roger, fix this. Yesterday.
Speaking of fixing this, hey Arthur Blank, you got billions. Arthur Smith's family has billions. He's going to be OK when you fire him. So let's fire him today. Deal? Deal. The Falcons should have won this division, and anyone who says "Well, Smith does not have a QB," well, he has had three years to develop one, and they have spent high-quality first-round draft capital on offensive skill dudes with the belief that Smith could develop a QB1. Failure. Turn the page, and be creative with the hire. We will talk more about this later this week.
College football greatness
In my opinion, the ultimate greatness of college football is inching toward its death.
This has nothing to do with Hugh Freeze not having his crew ready to play.
This has nothing to do with Lane Kiffin looking like an offensive whiz kid.
This had nothing to do with Nick Saban giving a speech on integrity with Coach Khaki sitting three seats to his right.
This has nothing to do with Dabo Sweeny's hypocrisy or even the biggest story from THE Ohio State's bowl no-show being whether Ryan Day dyes his beard. (Side question: If you grow a beard, and you have gray, do you dye? Would you dye? Discuss.)
And believe it or not, this has a lot to do with Georgia kicking the every-living-bleep out of FSU in the Orange Bowl.
But not for the reasons you think.
College football's first step backward will not be with the conference confusion.
College football's first step backward will not be with the portal or even the NIL.
Gang, as we welcome in 2024 with high hopes and championship dreams for all of our schools, the upcoming year is a monster step in the wrong direction for the sport that dominates our region.
The upcoming expansion to 12 has already been called out for not being enough.
But the reasoning and the rationales are flawed and redirected.
People think that FSU getting curb-stomped by Georgia was because the bowls are fraudulent.
OK. Did Ole Miss think the non-playoff bowls are fraudulent?
Nope.
Did Auburn fans ticked at watching Hugh Freeze lay another egg in Nashville think that game was meaningless?
Nope.
Did Georgia Tech fans and players and coaches, who grabbed their first postseason win since Paul Johnson was running the triple option on The Flats, think that was meaningless?
Nope.
Let's be clear: I think FSU should have been in the playoff over Alabama, especially if the argument is "the four best teams." (Because clearly, there is not a better team in the greater Southeast — Falcons and Panthers included — than the Georgia Bulldogs.)
But, while everyone is well aware of the FSU kids who opted out — a decision I get and respect to be honest — the underreported stat is that Kirby Smart's crew had a reported 15 opt-outs and several other players including All-American tight end Brock Bowers not playing for injury.
Smart smartly made his players believe the Orange Bowl mattered, and the Bulldogs showed up and delivered for their coach.
FSU boss Mike Norvell clearly whined through the entire month of December about "Woe is us, and everyone is out to get us."
Yeah, that, like so many other things in sports is a life lesson.
Life is not fair. Suck it up and go play.
FSU quit before they ever walked onto the field. That's on them and they can handle that however they want.
But that's not a college football problem. Or even a bowl problem.
Because know this: For all you clamoring for 12 or 16 or even bigger playoffs, did you know that Georgia's pistol-whipping of the Seminoles on Saturday was the most-watched non-playoff Orange Bowl in almost a decade?
Sure expansion is coming, and expansion after that will be coming too.
But do not celebrate that as we head into the New Year.
Know that it is the next big step toward killing the best regular season in all of sports.
This and that
— Speaking of the NFL, the action Sunday was terrific. And man, the snow in Chicago made all of us think of the old NFL Films narrator, right? Still, watching the Bengals-Chiefs Sunday afternoon, I thought, man, where's Taylor Swift? I hope she and Travis are not in a spat.
— You know the rules. Here's Paschall with a UT football preview. Man, I am not a big-time UT fan, but I hope Nico lights up Iowa. So there's that.
— Yikes, I have not given my 5-at-10 folks my picks yet. We went 3-1 on the plays, but 4-1 in the comments on Friday. That makes the Fab 4, which is not the same as Jays Plays (yes, it is confusing), pretty hot. Here are the numbers: Bowl picks (in the 5-at-10) so far: 15-12 against the spread (55.6%); Fab 4 picks this season: 65-41-2 against the spread (61.3%).
Today's questions
Yikes, we got especially wordy for a holiday when no one likely will respond.
Hey, I get it. I am a late brunch, early lunch, work-desk pleasure.
And I am good with that.
As for multiple choice Monday, we'll go here:
Which bowl game was your favorite so far?
As for today, Jan. 1, wow, let's review.
Man, did you know the Emancipation Proclamation — Lincoln's declaration to free the slaves — was issued on this day 161 years ago today?
Ellis Island opened on this day in 1892 as the gateway to immigrants coming to America. Dear goodness, I wish we could find a way to control that issue these days as well as we did 130-plus years ago.
Maybe the greatest day in prison history happened on this day in 1960. Johnny Cash played the first of several free concerts at San Quentin on this day 64 years ago. Did you know among the gen-pop was a fellow named Merle Haggard? (Yes, that one.)
Paul Revere — the patriot, not the Beastie Boys song — would have been 189 today.
Rushmore of Paul.
And Happy New Year friends.