First amendment suspended
OK, we are against boredom of almost any kind.
Sports should be fun, right? Sports should be about entertainment, right?
We wake up this morning to a strange place. We love the Masters. Everything about it.
Well almost everything.
They have a list of rules for the patrons that align with the Augusta National's sensibilities of the game. And we're OK with that. Your joint. Your rules. Hey if you come to our house and want a Co-Cola, well, you best be happy with what we have or bring your own. Don't raise your voice at our kids. And lift the seat. (Otherwise we'll take the heat for that one.) House rules are just that. House rules.
And that's fine. And for the most part, all of the rules at Augusta National are at least wrapped in green fabricate of the best interest of the game and the best interest in the best tournament on the planet.
Until possibly today. Augusta National has reportedly released a list of words that will call for immediate expulsion from the tournament. If that's to better protect the game - and if that's the case a lot of the silliness that comes with "Smashed Potatoes" and whatever else - then fine.
But if this is about the commercialism of the free advertising, then we think this move is beneath the folks at Augusta National to be honest. Yes, we expect it in almost every other sport from every other venue. But not this one.
And that's unfortunate because in a sports world in which almost every change seems to be about the business of the games rather than the enjoyment of the games, the Masters has long stood alone to think about the fans.
And maybe that's on us for expecting more from the folks at Augusta National, because if we have learned anything from a lifetime of being a sports fan, it's that disappointment is always no more than one game - or decision - away.
This is not a supporting stance of the nut bags who yell things with the ball in the air. It's trite and cliched and tired to be honest. But the Masters taking a hard stand to protect advertisers, if that's what this is ultimately about, is very disappointing in my view.
(Want to know what's not disappointing? Bud Light's social media response to this. How great is this Twitter post on an old-school scroll? "Yoru king hath recovered word that the guards of the Green Jacket plan to escort any patron who dare utter Dilly Dilly off yon premises.
"Except for myself, I am against tyranny in all forms. So I have instructed my royal tailors to make 1,000 Dilly Dilly shirts that shall be delivered to Georgia in time for the festivities.
"For if the cannot say Dilly Dilly, thou can still wear Dilly Dilly.
"Yours in friendship and beer,
"King John Barley, IV."
That's excellent work, Bud Light marketing folks. Simply excellent.)
Part II of panties in a wad
OK, LeBron James and Nick Saban are in a snit.
Someone get the popcorn.
First, Saban having something to rail on that is not 18-22 year-old football players or media members doing their job is a very refreshing change of pace.
Yay.
And the fact that we - an Auburn graduate LeBron fan boy - completely agree with Saban really shows the silliness of James' stance that somehow interviews in a barber shop are completely LeBron's intellectual property.
Oh goodness.
In some ways those, the timing of this is truly too perfect for James. The King now gets to utter phrases like "I respect him as a coach The lawyers will figure it out" with a week or so before his annual media blackout before the playoffs.
Fewer questions about the Cavs chances. Fewer questions about this being the worst team around him since before he went to Miami. Fewer questions about the miles on this 33-year-old tires.
And truth be told, two of arguably the five biggest, untouchable sports icons getting into a peeing contest is pretty awesome at its core.
Whether's that popcorn again?
More Masters
Yes, the Masters is this week. We are stoked. (Truth be told, the Thursday and Friday Press Row shows of the Masters week are the toughest to do because truth be told, we want to be in front of a TV watching the action. Seriously.)
Let's get to basics. That also leads us yo our Masterfully Mastering the Masters Masterpiece.
You know the drill. Pick five golfers. Top four players count.
You get points for where they finish. And low score wins. (For example a perfect score is 10, with someone picking the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th place finishers and getting 1, 2, 3, and 4 points for each. Total = 10.)
Questions?
As with all 5-at-10 contests, there is no cost to enter.
We'll start the contest with Bubba Watson, Jordan Thomas, Jordan Spieth, Rory McIlroy and some dude name Eldrick.
Whatcha' got?
And since we are apparently in a foul mood across the sports landscape, so for today's Masters Rushmore, what are the biggest heartbreaks at Augusta National.
For us, while Greg Norman may be the face of heartbreak at the corner of Washington and Berckmans, we think far left has to be the tournament that celebrates its 50th anniversary this year. In the 1968 Masters - and in those short 50 years, the winner's share has gone from $20,000 to almost $2 million - Bob Goalby won his lone major championship.
That, of course is not heartbreaking.
No the heartbreaking part is that Roberto DeVicenzo, who had won the British Open the previous year, was poised to play Goalby in an 18-hole playoff on Monday. DeVicenzo also was at 11 under par for the tournament, but his playing partner on Sunday, Tommy Aaron, wrote down a par 4 rather than the birdie 3 DeVicenzo had at No. 17. DeVicenzo signed the card before noticing the incorrect score and was forced to take the 4 and finished one shot out of the lead.
Oh my.
This and that
- On most weeks we would have spent a fair amount of time kicking around what the motives are, as the Patriots dealt 1,000-yard receiver Brandin Cooks and a fourth-rounder to the Rams for a first-rounder (No. 23) and a sixth-rounder. In a lot of ways, we love this move for each side. For the Rams, who have dealt for two 1A corners and created a monster mismatch on the interior of their defensive line, the win-now mentality needed a bona fide wide out. Cooks is one of only two wide outs in the NFL with three straight 1,000-plus-yard and seven-or-more TD seasons since 2015. (The other is Antonio Brown.)
- For the Patriots, the options are much more varied and intriguing. They could package picks 23 and 31 and see if the Giants would part with Odell Beckham Jr. for that and give Tom Brady the best weapon he has ever had on the perimeter. They could package those picks and try to move up for a quarterback of the future. They could sit there and potentially get, say, Mike McGlinchey, the tackle from Notre Dame, and Christian Kirk, the wide out from Texas A&M, and get younger and cheaper at two positions that are now glaring. (Filling the void left by Nate Solder's defection in free agency. Either way, the simple math - New England traded pick 32 to New Orleans for one year of Cooks, who delivered a very productive season in New England; then New England dealt Cooks, a year older and a year closer to a new contract discussion, for pick 23 - is one of the reasons Belichick is Belichick, friends.
- Cristiano Ronaldo's bicycle-kick goal is simply one of the most amazing sports highlights you will ever see. How great was it? In a sport with passionate fans who are always on the edge of riots and whatnot, the home crowd gave visiting Ronaldo a standing ovation for that goal. Oh my.
- OK, this is cool and never gets old. Shohei Ohtani hit his first homer in the big leagues on Tuesday night. That's not the cool part. The cool part is he got the always-awesome silent treatment in the dugout afterward. Enjoy. To be honest, we think Ohtani could be the coolest and most game-changing story in baseball in a long time. Think about if this works and the flexibility it could add to major league rosters. Seriously.
- On the other end of the cool meter, Giancarlo Stanton whiffed five times in his home opener with the Yankees. He was booed because, well, New York, New York, my friends. Remember, if you can make it there you can make it anywhere.
- There are 4.0 mock drafts out from McShay and Kiper. We love the draft. You know this. McShay factored in possible trades. This irritated Kiper for some reason. These two have a very compelling combative existence, not unlike those two Muppets in the balcony. Good times.
- Can we please shut up about Lamar Jackson moving to wide out? And all that stupid chatter may be why Jackson refused to run the 40 during his pro day.
- One final item: The coach with 1,000 lives - Idaho's Paul Petrino - appears to be on his final round. Yep, here's another investigation into an athletic department as the Idaho AD was placed on leave.
Today's question
OK before we get to the day and the accompanying Rushmore, if you want to play along, what would be your meal at the Champions Dinner if you won the Masters.
Remember that a) any and everything is on the board and b) in most cases it has some connection to you and your story. (We got this as part of a slew of Masters mailbag entries so we will share ours on Friday. Deal? Deal.)
As for today, 4/4 on the digital calendar. Quick Rushmore of 44s. Hank, a no doubter. The Logo, Jerry West. And who else?
Wow, 50 years ago today, Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis.
On this day 45 years ago, the World Trade Center opened in New York City.
In 1975, two somewhat geeky dudes founded some company named Microsoft. Wonder how that turned out for Bill Gates and Paul Allen?
As for April 4, couple of the best actors of this generation were born on this day.
Robert Downey Jr. is 52 today, and giggle all you want, but dude has amazing range. Seriously.
Heath Ledger would have been 39 today.
Let's go with the best individual acting performances of the last 20 years, because we think Ledger as the Joker is a no-brainer.