Ways to blow your job interview
* Point to photo of interviewer's family on desk; start laughing uncontrollably.
* Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say, "Boy, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that."
* Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: "The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?"
* After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, "Of course I was totally hammered at the time."
* Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.
* Claim you wouldn't even need a job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for 2,000 Flushes.
* Overemphasize your ability to use a copier.
* Ask if it's OK that you sit on the floor.
* Allow that you would have little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.
* Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.
* Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.
* Ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
* Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare, "Now we can begin."
* Sniff two of your fingers and hold out toward interviewer. Say, "Smell these. Do these smell funny to you?"
* Upon walking in to the office for first time, ask receptionist to hold all your calls.
The great outdoors
These are said to be actual comments left on U.S. Forest Service comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips.
* A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.
* Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
* Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
* Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
* Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
* All the mile markers are missing this year.
* Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
* Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
* Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.
* Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
* The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
* Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
* Need more signs to keep area pristine.
* A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead.
* The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
* There are too many rocks in the these mountains.