Yes, "Gnomeo & Juliet" is as weird as it sounds: A 3D animated spin on Romeo and Juliet, re-imagined with pert-nosed garden gnomes and Elton John songs. What's next, an all-Smurf Richard III set to David Bowie?
Juliet (voiced by Emily Blunt) boasts a pointy red hat and a cowlick. Her forbidden loverboy in the neighboring yard is Gnomeo (James McAvoy), a cutie with a chinstrap beard who vaguely resembles Ernest Borgnine. The young lovebirds are aided not by a kindly Franciscan but, get this, a lachrymose pink flamingo with a goofy Latin accent. The balcony scene gets rewritten for the Home Depot set ("I mean, what's in a gnome?"). Meanwhile, an excited piece of statuary streaks around in a Borat mankini.
Otherwise, it's the same old story: Boy meets girl, boy's family and girl's family despise each other, boy and girl fall in love anyway. Of course, Shakespeare's version is dreamily romantic and monumentally depressing. He is, like, the Bard. And he does, like, kill off the principals at the end. With this in mind, I feel compelled to reassure parents that "Gnomeo & Juliet" does not end with the pair of them dead in a crypt.
But it's still some pretty odd fare for a children's movie, G-rated, no less. How odd? Consider the trippy mushroom sidekick that hops and barks like a dog, prompting Gnomeo to yell: "Shroom, let's go kick some grass!" That one flew over my 10-year-old's head, but fans of stoner movies should feel right at home.
'GNOMEO & JULIET'* Rating: G.* Running time: 1 hour, 22 minutes.CLOSER TO HOMERock City, the longtime "home of the gnomes," will mark the opening weekend of "Gnomeo & Juliet" with daily deals. Check the attraction's Facebook page to see special offers through Valentine's Day or follow the link from www.seerockcity/valentine.
Helmed by "Shrek 2" co-director Kelly Asbury from a script by seven people, eight if you're counting Shakespeare, the film combines punny British prattling with cornfed sentimentality, bizarro psychedelic touches and action-packed lawnmower scenes. Hulk Hogan voices one of my favorite bits, an ad for a riding mower called the Terrafirminator.
It's imaginative in spots. It has some verve. It has Ashley Jensen as a histrionic frog. At least it isn't dull. But too many scenes look too much like a second-rate "Toy Story": the humans who appear from butt-down, the dolls that freeze up to avoid detection. If only "Gnomeo" had cribbed some of "Toy's" character development, too. If only the 3D hadn't been wasted on the claustrophobic trappings of a backyard feud. Just one sequence -- a whooshy chase through city streets -- exploits the technology's visual kick.
To make matters worse, some of those Elton tunes are completely mishandled. He's listed as exec producer (and his spouse, David Furnish, is a producer), so I have to believe he approved the bit where the bespectacled garden gnome croons: "It's a little bit runny. . . this pesticide." ("This is painful," observes Juliet. Yu-huh.).
Other songs range from the old and the classic to the new and the bad, the latter including a banal midtempo duet with Lady Gaga. It's a total bore, and for two dazzling paragons of glam, that might be the weirdest thing of all.