LISA DENTON: So, Barry, you know rap star Juicy J is coming to Track 29 on Saturday, and since we don't have readily apparent rap names like our colleague Paul "Heavy Sigh" Schulz, I thought we should try out www.myrapname.com to give us a little more street cred.
All you do is type in your first name and last initial, then click on whether you want the generator to select a male or female rap name. My female option was so blah, Li$a (sorry, Ke$ha), that I asked for the male version, which was a little better, Grim Lisa L.
But that was nothing compared to yours: B Barry Sling aka Kid Scam (male) and Sweet Barry B Goddess aka Mad Swag (female). Dang! You even got an "aka" both times. You must be pretty radical. I guess that's you I hear break-dancing right now.
BARRY COURTER: It takes more than one name to fully capture my awesomeness, I suppose. This name generator is better than a recent one on Facebook. For that, you pick a color, and the first object you see to your right is your name. I was Green Sensitive Anti-Itch Lotion (it is the dry season). It was either that or Green Spork, which is kinda cool.
LISA: I might have gone with Green Spork -- in honor of one of the greatest inventions ever. It's a fork ... and it's a spoon.
BARRY: Speaking of green, do you have big plans for St. Patrick's Day?
LISA: Just the usual wild time. It is, after all, "How I Met Your Mother" night.
Actually, St. Patrick's Day should be cause for celebration at every bar in town. The Honest Pint will have a St. Patrick's Day Proper party, with free admission to anyone wearing a T-shirt from the Party on the Parkway that was held Saturday night. And JJ's Bohemia is having a St. Paddy's Day burlesque show. I'm not sure if it's called that just because of the timing or if the performers are all dressed as leprechauns, but it could be interesting. And the Indigo Girls are at Track 29.
BARRY: It's a good week all around for music. The Zac Brown Band is at McKenzie Arena on Thursday. Folks who've been around a bit will likely remember when he was regularly playing local clubs like Rhythm & Brews. He was overseas performing last weekend and, before that, he managed to find a spot on the very crowded Dave Grohl I'm Playing With Everybody Tour at the Country Music Association awards back in November. And McKenzie will host a Moc Mania show on Friday featuring Andy Grammer and The Ready Set.
Track 29 will be busy all week, as well. Cherub, which did a great set at Riverbend last year, is there Friday, and The Taj Mahal Trio plays there on Saturday.
LISA: And Tuesday, The Acting Company will visit for a performance of "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" in the Patten Performances series in the UTC Fine Arts Center. I like the sound of this production. It's the inverse of "Hamlet" with two minor characters from Shakespeare's tragedy as the leads. It imagines what was happening to them while they were offstage in the original.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern sound like partners in a New York City law firm, rather than 17th-century literary characters, like their counterparts Claudius and Polonius.
It's like trying to understand names in the Bible. There you are reading about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and then you come upon Daniel, David and Seth. Nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying some of these things are not like the others.
By the way, Hezekiah's rap name would have been Push H Spin.
BARRY: You've been nipping into the sugar candy again, haven't you?
Get event details every Thursday in ChattanoogaNow or online anytime at ChattanoogaNow.com.
Contact Lisa Denton at firstname.lastname@example.org or 423-757-6281. Contact Barry Courter at email@example.com or 423-757-6354.