No one said that there was only one way to raise children. There certainly isn't a single solution to dealing with rebellious teens.
As parents, we try different methods. We read books; some of us listen to Dr. Phil (others dismiss him); we seek counseling from a pastor or a psychologist -- or we plead for divine intervention. We don't pretend to have all the correct answers.
As dads, we have fumbled our way through child-rearing and have been fortunate enough to avert some of the heartache and tragedies that other parents have experienced. And we're always learning from other parents.
We believe that Lesson No. 1 in the schooling that takes place under every roof is to teach our young children to be kind to one another. And we mean teach by example rather than give lip service.
The suggestion seems almost silly, but the "gold" in the Golden Rule seems to have turned green. It is no longer real. It looks good on a poster or etched on a wall, but many heed it like they obey speed limits -- "I'll be kind if it's absolutely necessary; otherwise, I've got things to do, places to go, people to put down."
It seems that being kind is for people who aren't busy or ambitious or serious. Kindness is synonymous with weakness. The notion of treating other people like you wish to be treated would likely get laughs in today's in-your-face society.
If only bosses were kinder to their employees. "Oh please, I don't get paid to be sweet!"
If only law enforcement approached more situations with an attitude of kindness. "Hey, bub, it's a jungle out there!"
If only all civil servants served in a civil manner.
Every boss was once a kid. So was every police officer, every politician, every doctor, every clerk, cab driver, high-powered executive, teacher, principal -- hey, we were all kids once. So we come full circle back to the home, back to the early influences of mom and dad.
Is it too absurd, too corny, too pie-in-the-sky to suggest that, if every kid grew up in an atmosphere of kindness and respect at home, he or she would carry that behavior into adulthood? Sure, there would be exceptions. There would be the broken homes and dysfunctional families where kindness and respect never resided. Yet imagine how much more affirmed most of us would feel if, during our formative years, we had felt appreciated and worthy at home.
So start now.
Hey, dad, showing kindness at home won't cost you a cent. And no assembly is required. You will not appear weak or be demoted.
And it doesn't mean you have to tolerate bad behavior. As your tool of choice, kindness will help defuse anger and foster love. It will be an action and a reaction.
Try it. Hopefully, it will become ingrained in the hearts and minds of your children as they gradually transform the world.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. They are available for workshops. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.