Mark KennedyAt 57, I'm battling early-onset crabbiness. One of the warning signs is the impulse to become a language cop.
For example, I wince every time I hear a kid say he or she is "excited for" something. Like: "I'm excited for the new Taylor Swift single." Or: "Are you excited for your birthday?"
I'm excited for the day when people will stop saying "excited for."
It's actually a fairly benign usage of the preposition "for," I guess, but it smacks of youthful affectation. It's as if everyone under age 30 huddled up and decided: "Let's start saying 'excited for' instead of 'excited about.' It'll drive the old people crazy."
Pardon me for a second: "Kids, get off my grass!"
OK. Now, what was I saying?
Oh, funny thing is, as a newspaper employee, I've been opening letters from members of the Language Police for years. I've always thought of them as well-intentioned. At the same time, I couldn't imagine having enough time in my day to become a letter-writing grammarian.
Some of the suggestions are helpful, such as the reader who pointed out that it was grammatically incorrect for me to call the older of my two sons my "oldest son." Of course, she was right.
Other critics are downright spiteful, like the reader who once said that I was such a poor editor that he hoped someone would murder me in my sleep. Well, alrighty then. Thanks for writing, sir. I can see the headline now: "Newspaperman bludgeoned to death in subject-verb disagreement."
I really don't want to become a crabby old guy. I'm trying to fight it. That's why I relent and listen to Top 40 radio when my wife and kids are in the car. It's my olive branch to the younger generation.
How else would I know about such modern classics as "I Really Like You," by Carly Rae Jepsen. The chorus begins with this lyrical gem: "I really, really, really, really, really, really like you."
Six reallys? Really, Carly?
Then there's the introspective new tune by Abel Tesfaye, a.k.a. The Weeknd, called "Can't Feel My Face." It says: "I can't feel my face when I am with you." What a lovely sentiment, Abel. I feel confident some inventive young couple will work "I can't feel my face when I'm with you" into their wedding music.
Next on the Top 40 countdown is a pop hit by the group Fall Out Boy called "Uma Thurman" that samples a guitar riff from the 1960s sitcom "The Munsters."
The Munsters? OK. Am I missing something, gang? Can I please turn the radio back to smooth jazz?
Once I start down this road of resenting popular trends, it's a slippery slope. Everywhere I look something ticks me off.
For example, the other day I saw a BMW 3-series sedan that some kid had painted matte black - all the way down to the wheels. This proud example of German engineering looked like it had been stripped with sandpaper and repainted with a Magic Marker.
But I regress. I shouldn't be bothered by this. In fact, I should be "excited for" this young BMW owner.
Which, by the way, is conventional usage.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645. Follow him on Twitter @TFPCOLUMNIST. Subscribe to his Facebook updates at www.facebook.com/mkennedycolumnist.