5-at-10: Mailbag with bad horse names, LeBron beats MJ and our morning goal

5-at-10: Mailbag with bad horse names, LeBron beats MJ and our morning goal

May 3rd, 2013 by Jay Greeson in Sports - Columns

Before we get to the Friday Mailbag, we offer a shout out to Uptown Hugh Brown, who we met last night at T-Ball and who offered the clear 5-at-10 high sign of "Don't cost nothin'" in between innings. Well-played, sir, well-played indeed.

Let's try to plow through as many of these as possible, and feel free to chime in where you feel comfortable.

From the "Talks too much" studios, Spalding, get your foot off the boat.

From scole023

Did you get my horse entry thing? You know I like to win stuff.

How about a contest were your readers send in some athlete's name and you have to use it in a sentence as a verb? Like Derek Jeter for example.

Thanks for the 5-at-10... and you still talk too much.

Scole023 -

Always good to hear from you and yes, we got your entry. (Complete list later today, and there's still time if you want to enter the Kentucky Derby - first in, last in contest where you pick the winner and the horse that finishes dead last.)

And dude, you know we're always up for anything semi-goofy that can be done while kicking back a Co-Cola.

Jeter, huh? OK, here are two - one in sports and one in everyday life.

Sports - Say a point guard on the other team had like two points, but no turnovers and drew five charges and made almost every little play possible. After the game, the coach could completely say, "Man, that kid Jetered us all night."

Life - Since Jeter has courted some of the A-list talent from all walks of life, let's say one of your buddies is making a play (or pitching woo, for 9er and Spy) and some slick guy slides in and says three sentences, picks up everyone's check and makes his way to car with a half-crooked smile on his face and the girl on his arm, it is completely fair for your buddy to say, "Dude, I got so Jetered."

Great question.

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From SteelerFan

Since you asked, what are your top rejected horse names. Here's my top 10 for 2013:

  1. Pole Dancer
  2. Hacking Cough
  3. Nappy Nag
  4. Pistol Whipped
  5. Inhaler
  6. Foxy Apoxie
  7. Hammer Toe
  8. Snot Rag
  9. Spectacular Skid
  10. Gate Crasher

SteelerFan -

We love these lists - and Foxy Apoxie is way too low on your list (in fact, Nos. 6-9 are money). And before we begin, we're officially retiring GlueStick as the Secretariat of bad horse names.

Here are a few more:

  1. DFL
  2. Lead Foot
  3. Equine like a baby
  4. Pokey
  5. AirBiscuit (his brother DogBiscuit made the list last year - these are the less-than-the-pick-of-the-litter of the next next generation of the Seabiscuit line)
  6. Rusty (as in the horse that Kramer feeds the Beef-a-reeno to and then could be called by the name directly above)
  7. Stumbling B
  8. Elmer's Glory
  9. AlpoExpress
  10. The Trots (or Welcome Back Trotter)

Whatcha' got?

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From Tom T.

What happened to the radio show with you and Pasqualli?

Is that still in the works or what?

Tom -

Thanks for the question. We're in discussions right now, trying to make sure our schedules fit and that we can deliver on a regular basis. It was a fun thing to do from 1-3 on ESPN radio on 105.1 with David Paschall, and we thought it sounded pretty good.

We'll say this: Hats off to guys like Quake and Cowboy and Dr. B (he's a doctor after all) on SportTalk and Jim Gumm and Wells on 105.1 FM - they make it seem easier than it is, that's for sure.

We know the couple weeks we did last month were fun, and if we had to guess we'll be back pretty soon. Just making sure it fits for everyone.

Thanks for asking.

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From JordanRules

LeBron James

Photo by Associated Press/Times Free Press.

Did you really say you think LeBron would beat MJ in 1-on-1?

Wow. Do you sleep in LeBron's jersey or what? Jordan beats him 11-6 and barely breaks a sweat doing it.

I knew you talked too much. Now we know you talk crazy, too.

JordanRules -

We do not sleep in a LeBron jersey. In fact our personal rule on jerseys is very clear: After the age of 14, guys really don't need a jersey unless it is handed to you by someone you call 'Coach.'

As for the crazy talk, well, kettle meet pot, pot say hey to kettle.

We did not say LeBron was better than MJ (yet), we said he'd beat him in one-on-one. In fact, we don't think it would be that close. James is 6-8, 265 and ripped. Jordan was 6-6, and a lean 220. Jordan would need a court order, a semi-automatic and enough hugs to keep Ari Gold smiling for a week to keep LeBron from the rim. Plus, LeBron's a better defender than MJ.

As for the other stuff, well, "a;hdfasjdfhas;ldkfjasahjadfhsd;" Now that's some crazy talk.

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From Chris

The SEC Network is scheduled to launch in August 2014. (Times-Free Press photo illustration)

How big a deal is the SEC Network? All the league have one - or will eventually, right.

Thanks and love the 5-at-10s.

Chris,

Feel free to swing by anytime. As of right now, it still don't cost nothin'.

The SEC Network is a game-changer for college sports because unlike the Big Ten Network or the Longhorn Network or whatever else, the planning behind this is better and the reach is going to be awesome. It has ESPN's backing, which means it will be tens of millions of homes from Day 1.

As our SEC ace David Paschall reported today, the backing of ESPN makes this a slam dunk from the start. Plus, with 45 football games on the schedule, the programming is better than expected. By waiting - the SEC toyed with the Network idea in 2008 - the league gets to be better form the start because of the growing pains of those other ventures.

Not only that, this will only make the rich richer. Mike Slive is a rainmaker.

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From OrangeFan5

I've been reading the 5-at-10 for a while and I have been wanting to ask a question.

University of Tennessee football coach Butch Jones talks about spring practice plans during a news conference.

Photo by The Knoxville News Sentinel /Times Free Press.

So here's this one: I'm starting to believe in Butch Jones. I was skeptical at first, especially after Strong said no, but it really looks like we're moving in the right direction.

What do you think?

OrangeFan -

Thanks for reading and feel free to pull up a seat.

We think Jones has best and most emphatically answered the biggest question we had about him and his staff: Can he recruit on an elite SEC level? The answer appears to be Heck Yea. (Capital letters added for emphasis.)

The 2014 recruiting class that Jones and Co. are assembling has the look of being a potential program changer. Sure it's a long way until signing day, and there are going to be some bumps in the road this fall. Still, for a Tennessee program and a Johnny Vols Fanbase that has longed for something to feel good about, Jones has delivered.

We'll have more on this, but yes, OrangeFan5, Butch Jones has given you nothing but a reason to believe he is turning things toward the light in the 865.

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From Jefe

You know, there are times I read your column and think, "Man, that Greeson guy, how'd he ever win 8?" It's a miracle.

Then there are times that I read this nickle-and-dimer and think, "Man, I'd like a sandwich."

What's your first thought when you sit down to write this thing? And, if you would allow an aging Auburn grad just one more, what's your favorite 5-at-10 contest?

Jefe -

For you kind sir, anything. Well, we can't help you with the sammich right now, but two questions - you betcha. And War Eagle.

When we sit down, we try to be funny. That's hard stuff. Writing funny is a chore, because you can't rely on timing or gesture or tone. You can be funny in real life but your writing could read like a grocery list. If we can make a reader laugh once a column, we're happy with that. If we get more, then that's just gravy.

Writing funny is made doubly hard because when you miss, you really, Really, REALLY miss. Funny writing can be the most entertaining, but non-funny attempts at writing funny is no doubt the worst. It's the Dan Struggla of writing styles. (And yes, we know he hit a homer last night, still. Still. Dude would miss water with an oar... Too High Dan, TOOOOO HIGH.)

We also try to make sure we cover the most important story from the night before or on the horizon for that day.

So in truth, we don't think, Meat, we just type. Just give 'em the gas. Brew the coffee, make a chocolate milk for the lil' 5-at-10 and a bottle for the princess 5-at-10 and get cracking. It's pretty glamorous, right?

As for our favorite contest, well, we like them all for different reasons. The bowl contest had a lot of folks, and the most recent Masters contest may have had a record number of entries with right around 60. The Derby contest gives us a vested interest in a great spectacle. (We're looking about taking the Mrs. next year. Don't tell her though, we want it to be a surprise.)

Speaking of that, we'll post the Derby entries later this afternoon, we need to go make more coffee.