Well, we were close. So close to a smooth week.
But if oh-so-close is good in horseshoes and snuggling, it is worthless when looking for entertainment when picking football games.
Last week we had all the winners but missed entertainment with the Steelers (by half a point) and the Seahawks (who were lucky to win but failed to cover the spread).
Last week, all of the road teams won outright. What does that mean? For entertainment purposes, next to nothing. For the NFL, it could be a viable lesson about the archaic way playoff teams are seeded.
With that, where do we turn when hunting entertainment this weekend? We turn to what we know and what we think we know. And if that fails, we ask the Magic 8 Ball.
(Our Magic 8 Ball questions and answers are real, and they are spectacular.)
New England minus-5 over Kansas City. Count your lucky stars that the public wave of momentum after the Chiefs exposed the fraudulent Texans has made everyone believe that Andy Reid and Alex Smith are going to beat Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. And that they are going to do it in Foxborough.
Magic 8 Ball question: Will Andy Reid have a doughnut hidden inside his heavy jacket Saturday night? "Reply gravy try again." Oh, wait - that should have been: "Reply HAZY try again." Next answer: "Very doubtful."
Arizona minus-7 over Green Bay. Another sentimental pick that has Vegas really enjoying the public's support of the underdog. The Cardinals are rested. The Cardinals are better. And yes, Aaron Rodgers looked like Aaron Rodgers against the blah-tastic Redskins last week. But you have to go back only three weeks to when the Arizona defense - one of the five best units in the league - made the veteran Packers quarterback look more like Aaron Sorkin, Erin Andrews or an Aaron's Rent-to-Own manager. And yes, we are buying the half here because, as we proved last week, it's the prudent play on football round numbers like 3, 7 and potentially 10.
Magic 8 ball question: The over/under on this game is 50. Do you like the over? "My reply is no."
Seattle plus-3 over Carolina. Yes, we would like to buy the half, Alex. Yes, we are Cam Newton supporters. Yes, we believe he will win the MVP award, and he deserves it. Yes, we are taking a road team that scored all of 10 points in its wild-card win - seven of which came on a play drawn up by the coaching staff of "Little Giants." (Not that there's anything wrong with the "Annexation of Puerto Rico.") Yes, we are taking the team that advanced only because the best kicker in the NFC shanked a 27-yarder.
(Side point: Missing a kick to lose a football game is the loneliest feeling in all of sports, right? Yes, Scott Hoch missing that two-footer that cost him a green jacket back in the 1980s was bad, but he let only himself and his caddie down. Yes, Bill Buckner's error in '86 let down everyone connected to Boston dating back to Paul Revere, but Buckner was with the team every step of the way and worked through the same sweat and tears in practice and everywhere else. A kicker miss like Blair Walsh's shank ends the season for 52 other guys who may have left years of their lives on the field in zero-degree temperatures, and a kicker's preparation is hardly comparable to what the rest of the team does to get ready. Painful.)
Where were we? Oh yeah, the pick. Know the only team that beat the Panthers all year? It was the Atlanta Falcons, who are coached by former Seattle defensive coordinator Dan Quinn, which means (a) he likely will share some tips and (b) those systems mesh with the NFL goal of making a team's second- or third-best player beat you. And there is no team in the league right now with a bigger drop between option one (Newton) and option two (everyone else).
Magic 8 ball question: Regardless of the outcome, will Cam Newton wear something very stylish/outlandish to the postgame news conference? "It is certain."
Pittsburgh plus 7 over Denver. Again, buy the half. We believe Pittsburgh is too banged up to win this game, but we also believe the Denver offense will have only limited success. Who knows, maybe Peyton Manning has one more playoff spin in his weary right arm, but it's hard to put a lot of stock in that given the sample size of this season. We also expect Ben Roethlisberger to play - whether they have to use some of American Pharoah's shots on him or not - but the lack of Antonio Brown, who's out with a concussion, will be huge.
Magic 8 ball question: Will this be Peyton Manning's final game as an NFL player? "Don't count on it."
Last week's NFL playoffs against the spread: 2-2 (50 percent)
College football season total against the spread: 71-48 (59.7 percent)
Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6343. Follow him on Twitter @jgreesontfp.