published Thursday, August 9th, 2012

5-at-10: Olympic chase, Vols football head-scratchers and Randy Travis nakedness

Great effort all around yesterday. Funny stuff indeed.

Don't forget the mailbag tomorrow, and buckle up, we got a lot to cover.

From the "Talks too much" studios, here we go.

Olympic update

  • photo
    United States' Kerri Walsh Jennings, right, and Misty May-Treanor, left, react during a podium ceremony after winning the women's gold medal beach volleyball match at the 2012 Summer Olympics, Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2012, in London.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

We're starting to wind down in the Olympics. The 5-at-10 is also starting to wind up our high school football preview. Let's review some of the top Olympic happenings from Wednesday.

— Beach Volleyball: Congrats to Misty May-Treanor and Kerri (Don't call me Brenda) Walsh Jennings for three-peating. Let's throw this out there, there is no three-peat like the Olympic three-peat. That's 12 years of championship-inating. (Yes, we made that word up.) It's also seizing the moment, which for the 5-at-10 is one of the ultimate marks of a champion. Think of it this way, if LeBron and the Heatles don't win the NBA title next year, they get another chance in 12 months. For MMT and K-Jen, one slip in the sand and it's four years before redemption.

(Side note: The entire 5-at-10 audience is pulling for the U.S. to top Long Duck and the Chinese in the medal count. If not, well, then click somewhere else. In fact, we enjoyed the strategery Todd962 was tossing around to increase the U.S. of A.'s chances. Here's our question: Do you think somewhere in China someone, let's call him Tang962, is complaining about beach volleyball being an Olympic sport? We say yes, and for Mr. Tang962 across the Pacific, we say game, set, spike. U-S-A! U-S-A!)

— As of 8 a.m. this morning the U.S. is leading the medal race 81-77 over China, but they have more golds. And if you think the 5-at-10 wants to win at both, well, you bet we do. We're American by Golly.

— The U.S. Dream Team part II will face the Spain Gasols in the semifinals Friday. Finish the drill boys, finish the drill.

— Apparently Yohan Blake, a Jamaican sprinter who could win the 200 meters, wears a watch when he races that is worth $500,000. OK, unless a time piece needs 1.21 gigawatts and can actually break the time-space continuum, there is no watch that's worth half a million. Period.

— Lolo Jones, it's time to stop talking for a while, OK sweetie. You enjoyed being the media darling — and cashing the checks from sponsors — so when things turn don't blame the media for your troubles.

UT football update

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    University of Tennessee NCAA college football defensive coordinator Sal Sunseri talks to reporters at the indoor practice facilty on the school campus in Knoxville, Tenn., Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2012.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

We have to admit, we were less than sold on UT's hiring of Sal Sunseri as the Vols' defensive coordinator. Sure Sal appears to be a nice dude and there's no doubt he knows the working end of a football.

Regardless, dude was a defensive assistant under a defensively brilliant head coach in Nick Saban. As a fair comparison, name the last former Steve Spurrier offensive assistant that made ways after leaving the shadow of Lord Visor. Limited group, huh?

That said, we believe UT's defensive talent — at least the starters, since the Vols are still fighting the depth challenges left by the Kiffin debacle of '09 — is better than most give it credit it for.

And since we just admitted that we think UT's starting defense is more talented than most think, we were still stunned by Sunseri offering the following statement:

"I didn't realize this until I finally got the two of them out there together, but those two kids might be the finest young linebackers that I have ever coached," Sunseri said.

Granted, as our man Salsa pointed out, he did clarify it a bit, but still. Sal just worked with two guys drafted in the top 35 picks and two more — C.J. Moseley and Trey DePriest — that will be NFL bound and A.J. Johnson and Curt Maggitt are already to that level? If that's the case, UT's defense is going to better than anyone expects.

On an Orangely related note, UT quarterback and Tyler "Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' Laloosh" Bray was in court Wednesday to answer about his "hotdogging" on a jet ski over the Fourth of July holiday. First, what is there to do on a jetski other than hot dog?

That said, has there been a quarterback since Stephen Garcia that consistently finds his way into the line of trouble more frequently than Bray? Sure, this is not a major deal, but this is yet another twist and turn in the winding road that is the trigger man of the UT offense and the guy that holds the key to Johnny Vols Fan's autumn happiness in his million-dollar right arm. And remember, this jet ski "hotdogging" was almost exactly two weeks before Bray appeared in Hoover, Ala., before the SEC media day flock and discussed his increased maturity and leadership.

If you're Derek Dooley, how well do you sleep at night knowing your season — and possibly your job — rests greatly on Bray and Da'Rick Rogers delivering in the clutch?

Major major majoring in major BID-ness

  • photo
    Ed Heimann, chairman of the Board for Hamilton Tailoring Co., holds the Green Jacket for the Masters Golf Tournament in this file photo.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Have we discussed how great Major Burns was on the TV show MASH? And yes, we knew Larry Linville played him and did virtually nothing else this side of Match Game, which employed a ton of former MASH-ers. (Side note: If they had an all-time TV show softball league, MASH-ers is the leader in the clubhouse for best team name, right? Here's a quick Rushmore — MASH-ers, Frasier Cranes, I Love Lucy Ballers and Wipeout (underrated summertime fun that Wipeout, by the way.)

OK, where were we? Oh yes, ranking the majors. We think the Major combo of Frank Burns (played by Linville on TV and Robert Duvall in the movie) and Margaret Houlihan eases by the PGA Championship in a close finish that did not include Lolo Jones in the top 10. Sorry, and we hope this does not count making fun.

Here's our top 10 of majors

1) The Masters

2) The British Open

3) Wimbledon

4) The U.S. Open (golf)

5) Major League (this first one was pretty strong)

6) The U.S. Open (tennis)

7) Majors Burns and Houlihan

8) The French Open

9) The PGA Championship

10) The Australian Open

Anyhoo, we're sure we forget a few entries — football preview stuff has been killing us — and if you don't see your name, let us know. We'll update the final list at noon today.

What we have so far in the PGA Double Play:

5-at-10 — Kuchar and Dufner

Mrs. 5-at-10 — Johnson and Rory

Sportsfan — Stricker and Scott

StuckinKent — Lee Westwood and Tiger Woods

Dawg747 — Kuchar and Els

Todd962 — Steve Stricker and Zach Johnson

addictedtochalupa — Zack Johnson and Vijay Singh.

BIspy4 — Snedeker and McDowell.

FEChancellor — Rory and Keegan Bradley

McPell — Tiger and Dufner

OrdinaryGuy — Tiger and Bubba Watson

BlueOval — Matt Kuchar and Zach Johnson

TFP golf ace David Uchiyama — Snedeker and Fowler (although Uch had as one of his alternates the Little 5-at-10 tot, who last week made a legit 29 tee to green on the par 5 No. 1 at Signal — major props)

OTwatcher — Oooooooosthuizen and McDowell

Jefe — Bubba and Webb Simpson

Weena — Dustin Johnson and Keegan Bradley

ThatIDoKnow — Dufner and McDowell

This and that

  • photo
    This photo provided by the Grayson County, Texas, Sheriff’s Office shows Country singer Randy Travis who has been charged with driving while intoxicated. Travis was released on $21,500 bond Wednesday morning, Aug. 8, 2012 from the Grayson County jail in Sherman, Texas, about 60 miles north of Dallas.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

— OK, we readily admit we grew up a fan of country music. In fact we listened to George Strait on one cassette and Eazy E on the next. We're eclectic like that. However, the latest story about Randy Travis — dude gets stopped driving his car liquored up and then confronts and threatens the arresting officer. Sadly, this has happened to lots of folks, but did we mention that Randy was naked and proceeded to try to fight the officer only to get his tail whipped (while naked) by the cop. Granted, we're a little twisted, but what song would you be singing kicking the stuffing out of a naked Randy Travis? Gotta be "Diggin' up Bones" right? How about "Better Class of Loser" or even "Honky Tonk Moon" maybe?

— Taking the Randy Travis thing further, here's a twitter photo of Randy leaving the police station, and you have to love the blue prison scrubs he's leaving in. We could not help but notice that Randy was leaving the hoosegow with a Texas hat on, and this had to make every Oklahoma fan everywhere smile. This may rank No. 2 behind Casey Anthony wearing an Ohio State University hat on the bad pub scale.

— Braves torched the Philles. Did anyone watch this? Two questions: First, is Philadelphia manager Charlie Manuel still alive or have the Phillies gone completely "Weekend at Bernie's" on the National League? Second, is it us or are Chip and Joe getting worse? And we did not think Chip and Joe could get worse. In the opposite universe, this would be like LeBron becoming a 43-percent shooter from 3. It's just not fair and seems impossible.

— Speaking of TV gigs, now that Michael Phelps has retired, does NBC even give Rowdy Gaines a plane ticket back to the states? Seriously, Gaines' fate is more sealed than Fredo's was in Cuba midway through "The Godfather II" because there's no way Phelps is not working for NBC in Rio de Janeiro right? And do you need three people on a swimming announcing team?

— One more TV note, the NFL preseason starts in earnest tonight, and while that means there will be a bunch of mediocre football played by folks we don't know, our local kid trying to make good has a big night in front of him. According to some folks we know, former McCallie star and UTC quarterback B.J. Coleman will play most of the fourth quarter for the Packers tonight on ESPN against the Chargers. We know we'll be watching. Good luck B.J.

Today's question

There are littered question marks throughout today's 5-at-10. Seriously, there's more than a dozen and some of them are even serious.

So today, you have to pick one of the above questions before answering today's question. Then answer this: If Tyler Bray being arrested for just about anything is the bottom 1 on surprise meter and Mel Gibson going from "Lethal Weapon," "Braveheart," etc., to raging nut bar is the peak 10 on the surprising celebrity trouble with the law gauge.

Where does Randy Travis rank? We consider it a solid 8 considering the kicker of the naked fight with the police.

Discuss and feel free to throw out any others we might need to consider.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

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Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
chas9 said...

Which is more awkward-ugly, the German diver's flop, McKayla's crooked frown on the silver medal stand, or the way Randy Travis spent Tuesday evening? In fact, put those three together with Richard Simmons in workout duds, and you have a Rushmore of awkward-ugly. Oops, sorry. I just violated the cowboy code not to ever EVER mention in this space either R.S. or Roseanne Barr.

Also awkward-ugly is explaining why there's Barium in the sugar bowl.

Keep your eye on our boy Ashton Eaton today.

And Major JG forgot Major Major.

August 9, 2012 at 10:04 a.m.
Salsa said...

Watch Sunseri's entire interview. He clarified what he meant by finest "young" linebackers.

August 9, 2012 at 10:58 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

This being Randy Travis' second arrest, are there bonus points for being nekkid this time around? Forever and Ever, Amen.

I'd have put Major Major from "Catch-22" up there, too, but that's just me. (Nice job, chas9).

I think I goofed yesterday when I said Gorilla Monsoon told Roddy Piper he was "without gold again, sir." I now believe his intended target for that barb was longtime foil Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. And nobody did miffed like Bobby "The Brain."

And Misty May-Treanor (she's a better hitter than husband. Hey now!) and Kerri Walsh-Jennings have but eight years of Olympic dominance. Not 12.

August 9, 2012 at 11:01 a.m.
Todd962 said...

So with that picture and a name like Sal Sunseri, what do you wanna bet that guy was an extra in Goodfellas and in his circle of friends he's known as Cousin Sal. But if anyone really believes his linebacker comments, I've got a buy two get one free sale on some beautiful bridges downtown. Riverfront locale. Real nice.

I think Major Payne even knocks out the Austalian Open. If you need reasons why I reference back to my sports with time zone sensitivity statements, along with the scene in the movie where he breaks the guys fingers so his leg stops hurting. Sound logic to live by when in situations that require first aid.

If there is a Tang962 he must be destroyed. There can only be one highlander. He already got rid of softball. He must be stopped.

August 9, 2012 at 11:06 a.m.
fechancellor said...

This Randy Travis incident reminds of Taladega Nights when Ricky Bobby hops out of his car stripping off his clothes and running wild yelling he's on fire.

Travis is extremely lucky to threaten the deputies instead of bad mouthing the Cowboys. Bad mouthing the Cowboys in north Texas is an sutomatic five year stint at the Tom Landry Reeducation Camp.

George Jones Mach 9 ride to a DWI on his lawn mower has finally been topped and will be recognized as such in the Country Music Hall of Fame one day.

...and what's the deal with Travis driving a 1998 Firebird?

August 9, 2012 at 11:24 a.m.
chas9 said...

Spy--Great line about the better hitter. And good at math, too.

And fec's comedic riff is strong, too. Tyler Bray's a piker at mischief compared to Mister Travis. Who's the most likely songwriter to get a hit song out of the incident? I thought it was Luchenbach where nobody's feelin' no pain. Maybe it's all over Tejas.

All of y'all--Greg Doyel wrote yesterday that Yore Atlanta Braves' Kimbrel ought to get the NL Cy Young award because he's allowing only 3.6 hits per nine innings, a feat never before accomplished.

August 9, 2012 at 1:02 p.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

We're going to pretend you did not mention Gene Simmons' awkward cousin Richard.

And Doyel has a pretty fair point about Kimbrel, especially in the absence of a true dominating CY Young frontrunner.

Salas —

Fair point and after reviewing the entire video, we have changed the wording. Thanks.

Spy —

OK. Which Bobby is full of more stuffing — Heenan or Valentine? Discuss.

Mr. 962 —

We believe Sally Two Times — "We going to get the ball, get the ball" — absolutely knows someone that knows someone that well, knows someone.

And we have you as a 2-to-1 favorite over Tang962 in the loser leaves the web cage match.

FE to the C —

Well-played sir. And how did we not mention the fact that all of this went down in a FIREBIRD for crying out loud. Was Randy's Suzuki Samari in the shop? Did he not want to take the cover off the El Camino.

— 5-at-10

August 9, 2012 at 1:13 p.m.
Stewwie said...

Actually, Team '12 plays the Argentina Ginobilis in tomorrow's semi, not Spain. The first half against those guys a few days ago was back and forth and close. We blew them away in the second half with Durant's 3s, but tomorrow's rematch won't be easy. You know those Argentines ain't backin' down.

Kobe finally had a breakout performance yesterday. Six 3s and they were all the second half. Carmelo said he said something to him at halftime and "woke the Mamba up."

August 9, 2012 at 1:47 p.m.
Todd962 said...

Jay, Randy likely would have been able to escape police pursuit if he'd taken the Bonneville. No doubt he would have pulled away once the Brougham kicked in. Huge mistake on his part.

And Debo was right from yesterday about China lacking in the Track and Field events and it being a huge swing event for the USA. We are inching our way back in front and are only 1 gold medal back today after a win in women's boxing. Tonight's track events will prove crucial for us. But you have to give China credit when credit is due in the track and field department. They took 3 of the 4 top spots in the Men's 20km Walk making senior citizens in malls everywhere green with envy. So theyve got that going for them...which is nice.

August 9, 2012 at 1:54 p.m.
Stewwie said...

Oh yeah...thanks for the heads up about B.J. for tonight. I usually don't pay too much attention to the preseason games, but I'll be tuning in tonight to see Mr. Coleman in action.

Thinking of B.J.'s post-high school football success, what's the Rushmore of QBs who played high school ball in the Scenic City? Not QBs who merely had outstanding high school stats, but rather QBs who had success at the next level in addition to their high school success. I think B.J. is a lock for that Rushmore already, but unless I'm drawing a major blank, I can't think of many other nominees to consider for the Rushmore.

August 9, 2012 at 2:12 p.m.

Have you seen Bubba's $525,000 watch? And did you catch the season finale of Dallas?

August 9, 2012 at 2:25 p.m.
jomo11 said...

Jay, Did Tyler Bray do anything stupid today ?

on Randy Travis , naked AND combative just never works . . .

August 9, 2012 at 2:47 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Stew-bert —

Great mailbag question about the prep QBs. Definitely will be in there and we're going to have to get some expert help that dates beyond the 5-at-10's decade in the Scenic City.

How do you stop LeBron at the top of the circle with the ball in his hands with Kobe and Durant on the wings? Anyone? Bueller?

962 —

Nobody could take the Brougham — you know that's French for "turbo" right? Well Brent Davis had a Monte Carol SS that was W-I-C-K-E-D fast. Even faster than the Mustang we got after the Brougham — did you know Brougham is Swahili for "turbo"?

And is it just us or does every speed-walker look like he's racing to the potty. There's another reason for the senior citizens at the mall to be jealous.

Addiction —

No and no. And while we couldn't care less about Bubba's half mil watch bling, we are stoked about Dallas. The Mrs. 5-at-10 was out of town while we toiled on football previews this week, so we'll catch it some time in the next day or two.

— 5-at-10

August 9, 2012 at 2:55 p.m.
jomo11 said...

Also Jay, You mentioned above that Sal Sunseri was a defensive COORDINATOR under Nick Saban. The only way that was possible is if Saban was the head coach at Illinois State in 1994, that was the last time Sunseri was a Defensive Coordinator. . .

August 9, 2012 at 2:56 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Jomo —

One, we have not heard of anything stupid by Bray today, but as Curly said in City Slickers — "Day ain't over yet."

Two, naked and looking for a fight may be the country and western version of the Animal House classic — "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son."

Three, you're spot on and we just now noticed that — we wrote the 5-at-10 a little blurry-eyed. Thanks.

Four, how have you been and how high are your hopes as a big-time Johnny Mocs Fan this fall.

Thanks, we'll hit post and listen.

— 5-at-10

August 9, 2012 at 3 p.m.
jomo11 said...

Mocs D could be one of the best in FCS. QB's are good, running backs and O-line should be good.....BIG question mark is can they have a decent passing game. WR's have potential but are all unproven . . . only 8 seniors. . . 2013 should be even better

August 9, 2012 at 3:04 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Looks like the Swede has gotten out of the brig. (OK, Petterson has not done time in that sense. It's just he's Swedish, even if he went to NC State of all places, and he's leading and I needed to make a quick joke before I went back to work.)

August 9, 2012 at 3:31 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Sorry for the late response. Business was overflowing at work.

The Randy Travis thing is no surprise after the last arrest. Also the fact, for whatever reaon, he lives out in literally the heart of North Texas ranch country. Seriously, I've been to Tioga (got one really good BBQ place and that's it). The rest of the area is mega-acres of horse ranches and businesses that cater to horse ranches (looks like Indiana minus cornfields). I would drink heavily if I live out there.

The picture was published in the DMN and it is definitely a classic but not up there with James Brown's final mug shot or Octomom attempting to strip (don't ask why I included that).

It's both sad and funny on the grounds Randy Travis "use" to be the symbol for what was right with country music. He was both successful and appeared "stable" when compared to lets say George Jones or Hank Williams Jr. It goes to show no one truly knows what goes on in one's personal life once the lights go off and everyone leaves the auditorium.

I also saw in the sports section in the schedule box regarding tonights Green Bay-San Diego line-up. Like my new friend Stewee, I don't take the pre-season games to heart but I felt something in the Force saying BJ was going to get some serious play time on the national scale. Expect me to be ordering in some Taco Bell with Rebecca Creek and Coke (It's a Texas thing).

addictedtochalupa- yes, I did catch the season finale. Love the use of one of my favorite "Cash" songs of all time as JR officially passes the torch to John Ross.

August 9, 2012 at 4:22 p.m.
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