Ronnie Mitchell describes himself as "20 and very immature" when he married.
"But I was drafted into the Army and matured pretty quickly with a year in Vietnam," recalls the pastor of CrossPath Church, formerly known as East Ridge Baptist Church.
In the premarital counseling sessions that are part of his pastoral duties, he's found that couples in their mid- to late 20s "are very interested in getting their education out of the way and other things they would consider to be a distraction to marriage," he says. "In some respects, that's a good thing. I think a lot of marriages that end in divorce were marriages that started too young without considering the costs."
It's a fact that today's newlyweds form a different sociological profile from their parents. They are waiting longer to marry -- average bride's age is 29 and groom's 31, according to theknot.com -- and that's if they marry at all. More couples are choosing to live together first, resulting in an increase in children born out of wedlock. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the percentage of births to unmarried women is 40.6 of all births.
Andrew Walker, with the Southern Baptist Convention in Nashville, proposed this solution: Millennials -- folks born mid-1980s to early 2000s, also known as Generation Y -- should marry younger. Walker believes marrying earlier would decrease cohabitation rates, lower premarital sex statistics and the risk of childbirth outside of marriage.
Because Walker is director of policy studies for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, his thought-provoking -- and controversial -- viewpoint resulted in a flurry of media stories in print, online and on air proclaiming "Southern Baptists urging millennials to marry early to avoid premarital sex."
When contacted by email, Walker declined to answer questions, instead referring to his clarification in an op-ed article that he and the Rev. Jon Akin, a Lebanon, Tenn. pastor, wrote for The Baptist Press.
In it, they stressed that, contrary to media reports, their statement was not an "official policy" of the Southern Baptist Convention. The SBC is a convention of autonomous churches, so pastors are not told what to preach, and Walker said his idea was not a mandate to be followed by all.
"To assume that a one-size-fits-all standard applies across the board is too heavy-handed," Walker wrote.
But he repeated that it remains his personal opinion that marrying earlier "staves off the hormonal rush that comes with sexual temptation. Marriage is an institution that is divinely shaped to serve the needs of men and women; it isn't a capstone to an already built career."
Akin and Walker emphasized they do not advocate a specific age for marriage, but believe young people "should make themselves 'marry-able' younger."
"They need to push against the cultural norm that extends adolescence for an indefinite period of time and reach maturity more quickly so they can be ready for marriage sooner than the national average," the two urged.
Tori Woodson, 24, and Jake Willcutt, 29, married last month after dating for 11 months. Each had completed college, established careers as teachers and managed their finances while living in separate apartments before making the commitment.
Jake, who was married before at age 23, attests to being more prepared for marriage this time around.
"I definitely believe youth played a part in the divorce; my level of maturity and spirituality at that point wasn't what they are now," says Jake, who teaches at Silverdale Baptist Academy. "We believe (a successful marriage) is more about the person and where they are with Christ. That relationship is the most important and will serve as the only preparation for a successful marriage that glorifies him."
Area Southern Baptist pastors and the executive director of First Things First, the local nonprofit dedicated to strengthening families through skills-based education, unanimously agree that marriage is all about the "M" word: maturity.
"The denomination should have nothing to say about the age at which couples get married," says Ken Duggan, pastor of Dallas Bay Baptist Church. "From my perspective, being a pastor of the same church for over 25 years and counseling numerous couples, the marrying age is getting older. I would say that is more of a cultural thing. Many are waiting until their educations are completed, until their career is on sure footing -- and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing."
Doug Plumlee, senior pastor of Ridgedale Baptist Church, says he's "not as concerned about the age as the maturity of a couple because premarital sex starts in the teenage years for many young people, if we're being honest about it. My concern is that, if you push too early to get married, you might see the divorce rate go higher."
CrossPath's Mitchell adds, "Even though we might find some advantages when couples marry early, there are also disadvantages. I think the number of children without both parents in the home is probably one result of early marriage."
The Rev. Jim Brinkley, worship pastor at Salem Baptist Church in Dalton, Ga, says he married at 18, but his 33-year-old daughter is only just reaching the point in her life where she is considering marriage.
"I look around at 18-year-olds today and see they aren't ready to be married. I look at them and think how different I was at that age," he laughs. "There are just so many more opportunities for young people today; they have many things going on their lives and marriage is not a priority."
Julie Baumgardner, chief executive officer of First Things First and a Sunday columnist for the Times Free Press, says research that her nonprofit receives proves "the bottom line is maturity." She has found that couples coming to First Things First premarital classes "feel like they need to be financially stable, have their act entirely together before they marry."
And they may be right.
Baumgardner says research has also shown that "if you finish college, get a job, get married, then have children, your chances of doing well are very high. We definitely are not seeing a lack of interest in marriage -- couples are just putting it off for a time to do other things."
Contact Susan Pierce at spierce@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6284.