DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with my ex-stepmother, "Gina," for 15 years. We remained close even after she divorced my biological father, who is not in the picture. I invited my friends, my mom and Gina (who lives out of state) to go dress shopping. When I told Mom that Gina was coming, she said she would come "some other time." Mom has been remarried for more than 30 years and has spent time with Gina prior to this. It's not like they are enemies. My older sister doesn't get along with Gina and told me if Gina is part of the bridal party, she won't come. I'm having a bachelorette party in the state where Gina lives. The invitations won't be sent for another few months. When my older sister found out, she accused me of not telling her. I explained that my friend will be sending out the invitations, and I wasn't keeping anything from her. She hung up on me. My mom and my sister are spoiling what should be a happy time for me. Have I done something wrong? - DESPERATELY SEEKING ADVICE
DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING: Your mother's refusal to participate in the selection of your wedding gown was an example of passive aggression. Your mother and sister aren't trying to spoil your happiness. They are trying to manipulate and blackmail you into excluding your former stepmother. You have done nothing wrong - but they have.
DEAR ABBY: I recently started volunteering at a wonderful organization and was asked to assist the board with a special project. Everything was going well until the first board member excused himself and another one immediately began to badmouth him.
Neither board member knows me at all.
It made me very uncomfortable. I don't want to get involved in this petty business, but I'll have to work closely with both of them in the coming months. Most of my interactions will be with the person who was spoken about poorly.
At least three board members have quit because of this person. How should I proceed? - NEW VOLUNTEER IN ILLINOIS
DEAR NEW VOLUNTEER: Proceed by not allowing yourself to get dragged into board politics. If one board member starts badmouthing another, excuse yourself.
If three people have quit, there are obviously problems with the governance of this organization. If you can do your job without getting involved in the dysfunction, stick with it. If you can't, then for your own sanity, find another place to donate your time and talents.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.