Restaurant review: It's the wings that sing at this Tex-Mex eatery

If I were a baby chick, just hatched and already hearing the whispers of some older, wiser chicks saying that, eventually, we'd all be sacrificing our lives to become some hungry human's restaurant dinner, I do believe I'd be resolved to go out in a blaze of glory, my beak held high. Proud.

I certainly wouldn't strive to go out next to a puddle of gooey gravy at some bourgeois fast-food chain, sharing precious plate real estate with a glob of low-rent mashed potatoes and a sad, shrunken biscuit. Nor would I wish to suffer the indignity of having my final resting place be the name of an old cartoon character who's famous for eating spinach. Not chicken. SPINACH.

Nope. I feel certain that I'd be spending my poultry puberty obsessively pecking around the barnyard in hopes of adding extra protein to my diet so that someday I might live my dream of becoming fat and juicy enough to be among the chosen to be dropped into the deep fryer at Mexi-Wing - an honorable ending. My Chicken Nirvana.

And as a human who truly, deeply appreciates the sacrifice that all animals and plants make to feed me and my kind, I'd have to agree with any chicken's choice of a Mexi-Wing venue to show up on the menu. That's why I visit Mexi-Wing VII in Brainerd every couple of months. Folks in Cleveland can check out Mexi-Wing V. I'm never disappointed. Yeah, the "Mexi" part is OK. It's on par with Amigo, mis amigos. But at this restaurant, for me, it's the wings that sing.

THE SPACE

The décor of this restaurant has a standard Mexican theme, and with many booths and tables of varying sizes, there are plenty of spots for either small or very large parties to dine comfortably without feeling crowded.

THE MENU

This restaurant offers a variety of Mexican and American fare, so families can rest assured that Little Timmy, who, from age 2, has allowed only chicken fingers and fries ($8.99) and ketchup to cross his lips, will be happy. (The burger-only child can eat here, too.)

Mom and Dad can be more adventurous and choose any number of authentic Mexican dishes or, of course, wings, either a la carte or as combination plates.

And with proper ID, one can enjoy an adult beverage. Margaritas appear to be quite popular at Mexi-Wing, ranging in size and price from regular (12 ounces, $4.99) to jumbo (27 ounces, $7.99) to half pitcher (30 ounces, $9.99) to monster (46 ounces, $14.99) to pitcher ($16.99, and have that Uber Car number handy.)

THE SERVICE

My servers were pleasant, but of few words. I found myself wishing I understood more Spanish than I do because the Spanish-speaking patrons in the booth next to me were getting a lot more personality out of the staff than I did.

THE FOOD

To best describe the "wing" portion of my meal, I first need to explain my chicken wing grading scale. I call it my Wing-O-Meter:

1) wings: Terrible, like something you'd consume only if you'd sleep-walked at 3 a.m. into a 24-hour ICE CREAM PARLOR and, while deep in an Ambien trance, were somehow only able to focus on the very bottom, small-print part of the menu that read: "We do ice cream. Only order from this section of the menu if you are drunk or asleep. If either of these apply, by all means, order the wings. Many have said, after leaving the hospital, that they were almost 'food-like' in shape and texture."

2) Wings: Slightly better. The pieces may be puny, or the cook is chintzy with the seasonings, but at least they're recognizable as chicken food and can usually be eaten without concerning oneself with issues like "food poisoning" or "uncontrollable diarrhea." Think Grocery Store Deli Department. Not often reaeeealllllly good, but sometimes decent, and rarely sickening.

3) WINGS: These are yummy. Good flavor, cooked well, adequate seasoning. There are far more WINGS around than there are wings, Wings OR WAAAAAAANGS, I have found.

4) WAAAAAAAANGS: These are why God made chickens. These are what I surmise all well-bred hatchlings aspire to become. Crispy, but not overcooked. Acceptably plump and meaty. Juicy and seasoned to the optimal heat/spiciness. Wings so good that using the wimpy "ing" sound while pronouncing the word feels, somehow, inadequate.

So, saying with a full throated, drawn-out "WAAAAAAAANGS!" in my unapologetically Appalachian accent is the ONLY way to adequately describe the visceral, chicken-y delicious reaction that any self-respecting tastebud would have to the flavor/texture of truly great wings.

That said, Mexi-Wing VII serves WAAAAAAAANGS. Mexi-Wing VII also serves Mexican food, of course, and on a recent night I ordered both. My wings, ordered merely "hot," were crispy, meaty and had just exactly the right heat for my taste.

On past visits, I have had the kitchen combine "hot" and "teriyaki" flavorings to much satisfaction, and after having just "hot" tonight I realize I do prefer the sweet/heat blend.

Note: If you are someone who expects "hot" to be more than just slightly uncomfortable, you may need to go a step or two above "hot" for your order. The "hot" at Mexi-Wing is a vinegary (not in a bad way) sauce with only a semi-hot (in my opinion) late finish. Honestly, I have never been bold enough to order the next steps up: X-HOT, Super HOT or Nuclear, but anyone who wants her/his hair blown back a bit with that first bite should probably go at least "X-HOT."

After munching on a few tortillas and delicious salsa, I ordered Grilled Chicken Chimichanga ($8.99) with no onions or peppers, and the kitchen got my order 100 percent correct. Kudos. I was happy that the kitchen remembered the omissions, but the chicken inside, while nicely grilled, was underseasoned. Also, the deep-fried flour tortilla that housed the chicken lacked the crispiness that I expect in a chimichanga.

As is standard at most Tex-Mex restaurants, the meal came with sides of salsa, sour cream, lettuce, guacamole, Mexican rice and refried beans with cheese. It was a lot of food for the money, and I could finish only half of my meal. The star for me, as always, was the wings - $3.99 for five meaty wings is a real bargain, I think. But don't worry, a hungry diner can order as many wings as she or he wants.

THE VERDICT

I've long been a fan of Mexi-Wing VII and highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys crispy wings. Order at least 10 wings with a combination of HOT and teriyaki sauces, then shoot me an email with your own verdict. Alas de pollo feliz!

Contact Cindy Deifenderfer at 423-757-6362 or cdeifenderfer@timesfreepress.com.