Dear Abby: Woman's free baby-sitting is her choice, not fiance's

photo Jeanne Phillips

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom with three children. A friend asked me to care for her 3-year-old daughter while she was at work. She offered to pay, but I declined, given her circumstances. My fiance is mad at me for not charging her. How can I make him see that it is not a problem since I am at home anyway? - AT HOME IN COLORADO

DEAR HOME: Your fiance may not want the family's hard-earned money going toward feeding someone else's child. But ultimately, the decision should be yours, not his.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son got married in August. His wife is very nice, and we get along fine. He's my youngest child, and we are very close. She refuses to put their wedding picture in the newspaper. She said it's not necessary and the people most important know they are married. I want to keep it as a remembrance just like my daughter had hers in years ago. My son agrees with her. Please help. - NEWSPAPER WEDDING PHOTO

DEAR NEWSPAPER: It's seven months too late for your son and daughter-in-law's wedding picture to appear in the paper. It would be better to reconcile your disappointment at not having the memento, because he and his wife are unified on this and the battle is already lost.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently moved, taking jobs that are closer to our son and daughter-in-law. They have no children but want to start a family, and we are praying for our first grandchild.

When they take business trips (which is often), I take care of their cats and dogs. A few days ago, while I was in their bedroom (where the cats are kept), I saw an anatomically correct sex toy that had been left on the bed stand. I'm no prude, but should I say something to my son? We have an excellent relationship. I'm concerned that he may need some fatherly advice if they are having conception problems. What do you think? - CONCERNED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CONCERNED: In the interest of family harmony, keep your advice to yourself unless you are asked. If they are having "conception problems," rest assured they will find their way to a fertility expert without your assistance.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)