From Mike
Rushmore of Halloween candy. Go.
You're doing the work of the Lord.
Mike -
You are correct. And in justifying that, we will go all old-school Southern Baptist preacher to deliver this Rushmore.
Brothers and sisters, welcome today. Get comfortable in your pew, friends and make sure you have allowed enough space for your Lord and Savior to sit beside you. I feel the presence of Jesus today.
Can I get an Amen?
We start looking for the best of the gifts bestowed to us on that fateful all Hallow's Eve.... a day that we must remember our duties, our obligations and our responsibilities as the servants of our Heavenly Father.
We are His foot soldiers in His fight against evil and all that that means brothers and sisters.
We must embrace the treat more than the trick... because we all know the tricks are the work of the Devil himself. Can I get an Amen?
We must welcome all comers and love our neighbors like we love ourselves... regardless whether they have dreadful costumes or look like the "Walking Dead" themselves. Can I get an Amen?
And we must above all else remember that this day... this day of temptation and degradation still has salvation... that this day of spokeyness can still have Holyness... that on this day of fright we must show the world the Lord's might.
Can I get an Amen?
But as with all of our fights against the darkness and evil one, its starts with what can each of us do in strides to serve our Savior. First, make sure when that offering plate is passed that everyone gives till it hurts. That new Annex to the Annex for the better works of the women's auxiliary building is not going to pay for itself. And those three ladies were are part of the Women Serving Daily Doses of the Message in the form of Oatmeal are doing amazing things friends, and to ask them to do it in a room that only seats 25 is an abomination - or an Obama-nation. (Chuckles.) And we must make sure we are better prepared because we know that we will soon need upgrades to the gym for our Southern Baptist Hoopsters - winners of the last three county church league titles... remember brothers, "No Pray, No Play" - are right around the corner.
Where was I... other than basking in the joy of the Lord?
What we must do to make sure Jesus is remember on this fateful All Hallow's Eve.
I'll start with what we must not do. We must not fall into the temptation of giving away fruit or wrapped celery sticks. And Dr. RosenRosen and the rest of our dental friends in the congregation, know that the Lord take a personal affront to anyone who hands out toothbrushes and toothpaste on this day. Can I get an Amen?
And we'll start with a little side tip for those who expect heavy trick-no-treat traffic: Have a few 'airplane bottle's for the adults who come by - but only pass those out if the adults are dressed. If they are tagging along in normal clothes, sorry, no soup for you. If you make the effort, well, here's a little something for the effort. Yes, I know many of you are clutching your pearls as I say this - quick joke: What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? The Methodist will speak to you in the liquor store. - but sometimes, brothers and sisters, we have to fight fire with fire and brimstone with Jack Daniels. Trust me, more of the dressed adults we have patrolling the streets on Halloween, the safer we will all be, and we must fuel them just like we fuel ourselves and our souls.
As for the original question, well judgin by how many of you are looking at your watch and wondering how long it's going to take to be in the early group at the Shoney's, I have sufficiently extended this message to the perfect place of sacrifice and fulfillment.
So remember, as you are thinking of the children be God-like and kind. Do not be tempted by the evils of the circus peanuts or the simple bag of just Tootsie Rolls. And if you think the Candy Corn is the answer, well, you need more help than Sunday School can provide.
Yes, this means going chocolate bars. And while we need to make sure your candy fund does not cut into your tithing money, if you have the means, do not hesitate to go full bar rather than mini. (That's good advise for afterward too friends. Can I get an Amen?) And do not think that a Mounds or an Almond Joy is on the same level as the rest of the chocolate bar family.
Build your offering around the Reese's, but remember there are those among us who do not like or are allergic to peanut butter, so make sure there is the still-delicious-yet-also-universal Kit Kat available. From there, do not be afraid to add some variety. Personally, we always appreciate the Blo-Pop, but it narrowly does not make the list.
The final two spots here are the Hershey mini bars - the variety allows for more coverage - and the mini packets of Skittles because some kids are not all about the chocolate.
To summarize, we're going Reese's, Kit Kats, Hershey minis and Skittles, because it's all about the children.
Let's stand and sing, "Jesus Loved the Little Children" and remember for those of you who have not purchased your Halloween supplies, we have a special offering in the foyer at a small mark-up to help my wife's annual drive to the Caribbean for the Kids and the Sun mission.
Can I get an Amen?
---
This Week's Rushmores
Rushmore of Marshalls? Marshall Faulk or Marshall Dillion as the far left options. Thurgood Marshall makes it as does Penny Marshall, which means sorry to Marshall Mathers, Jim Marshall, former Florida great Wilbur Marshall, and former Ole Miss hoopster Marshall Henderson who was the founder of the great phrase of "White girl Wednesday."
Rushmore of all-time pop culture questions? We are going to go two categories here because, well, this is tough. In the 'or; category let's go here: Ginger or Mary Ann is there. So too is Rolling Stones or Beatles from the way back machine. MJ or LeBron. Batman or Superman. As for the bigger topics: Best SNL player ever; Best sequel ever; Best QB ever; and best TV show ever.
Rushmore of all-time coaches news conference rants: Bobby Knight's game face skit, Mike Gundy's "I'm a man, I'm 40" bit, Dennis Green's "They are who we thought they were" meltdown and John Chaney and Coach Cal going at it. (The Mora playoffs one was too short, and Iverson's all-time 'practice' rant is out because he was not a coach.) And I am sad that the Hal McRae meltdown was left off.
Rushmore of all-time homers: Gibson and the "I don't believe what I just saw;" Bill Mazeroski with the only Game 7 walk-off homer in MLB history to be the 1960 Yankees; Babe Ruth calling his shot against the Cubs in the 1932 World Series; Bobby Thompson's 'Shot Heard Round the World' in the 1951 NL playoff. Oh my.
---
From Steve
Says a lot about how one player can make a huge difference, so here's one for ya, take away Finley and Snell, where would each of these teams be right now? Say they both end up injured (i hope it doesn't happen, for the sake of the discussion) and miss the rest of the season, where does each team finish?
Steve -
Great question.
I am not as familiar with NC State and what else they have around the quarterback.
But as great as Tua has been - and the hype before the season may not have been big enough all things consider - we believe Bennie Snell is the MVP of the SEC.
Alabama without Tua is still unbeaten because Jalen Hurts is still really goo.
UK without Benny Snell, well the Big Blue is certainly not 5-1 and talking about a 10-win season and the Outback Bowl, that's for sure.
And we're pretty sure no SEC team takes on the personality of their superstar more than UK and Snell.
It's fun to watch.
---
From Alejandro
Speaking of Warren and native Americans. Watched Blazing Saddles last night. Rushmore of movies that couldn't be made today?
Alejandro -
Such an intriguing question, and in truth Mel Brooks may have his own Rushmore since, you know, he made a comedy about Hitler for Pete Sellers' sake. (And when was the last time you watched "History of the World, Part I" gang? Wow. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, well, get o the Blockbuster and rent that puppy. What? What happened to the Blockbuster?)
Anyhoo, great question.
Blazing Saddles is there. So too is Revenge of the Nerds, which is criminally underrated. Soul Man, with C. Thomas Howell pretending to be a black guy to get into Harvard... yeah, that's out. Unless it's reversed and it's Michael B. Jordan pretending to be a white dude to get 'white privilege' you know? And of course Animal House, the documentary of fraternity life in most American colleges.
Think of how many lines Animal House crosses in today's PC world in the following scenes alone:
PETA is ticked about the horse scene in Dean Wormer's office. The cheating. The alcohol abuse. The entire scene in which, "Wait til Otis sees us... He loves us." The scene with Larry Kroger and the passed out girl. PUH-lease. No chance.
---
From Todd
What was the biggest upset so far this year in the SEC? If UGA can't upset Bama in the SEC then can anyone? Can anyone nationally?
Todd -
Great question, and at the risk of re-iginiting the UT angst we got this week for saying last Saturday's monster Vols win was more about what Auburn didn't do than what UT did, we'd put that at the top of the biggest SEC upsets so far.
No 2 was UK at Florida and No. 3 was UGA at LSU, which may prove to hace the most impact on the league and the sport as a whole of any game this year.
I think the only team that can get Bama is THE Ohio State because you are going to have to bring an offense that is able to put 40 on the board at any given time to have a realistic shot to win.
Yes, maybe at LSU, Alabama doesn't operate in high gear. Maybe.
But THE Ohio State is the only contender we see that can score with Alabama, because under Saban, when was the last time Alabama really showed up somewhere flat? Utah in the Sugar Bowl after the disappointment of the SEC title game in Saban's second year maybe?
Yes Alabama has had turnover issues and in-game slumps, but for this offense not to score 40, it is either going to have to be completely listless or Tua has to be hurt.
And the only team we could back to match Alabama in an expected setting like that is THE Ohio State and Coach Urban Liar.
---
Not exactly fan mail
Some of this week's stuff was rather benign, but that's OK. Most was from my social media conversation and radio talk about Auburn losing last Saturday's game than UT winning it. But we have one just because. Enjoy the weekend friends.
First a fun one from a Press Row regular:
My TV News and Production teacher just used Gruetli-laager, TN as an example in class. I laughed out loud and everyone stared at me. Thanks Jay.
And on the other side...
I'm not a Vols fan. Your out of your mind. A sec team on the road as a 14.5 point dog totally thumped another sec team.
And...
Yes it was. Sore loser.
And...
Never heard a radio host so butt hurt about a loss. Wonder how show sounds if Auburn covered like they were suppose to?
And...
Take your (poop) back to Alabama you homer. UT kicked that (butt) good and fair. Your just a hack homer. UT is back (butt)hole.
And...
You realize you are in Chattanooga TENNESSEE, right? So give the home state team credit!!! Why is it so hard to see that UT is better than Auburn ---- always has been always will be!!! CJP is da man. GBO!!!
And one more from an A2 fan...
Of course you like RoseAnne and want her back. You are both fat, Trump Lovers, think you are funny and ultimately worthless and a non-factor in the public eye. You suck!
Good talk gang.