Karen Nazor-HillMy husband, sister-in-law, brother-in-law and I were walking on a cobblestone street near Old Town Square in Prague, the capital of the Czech Republic, last May when my husband answered his cellphone and promptly handed it to me.
"Hi, Mom. What are you doing?" asked my son Kit, calling from his home in San Diego.
"I'm souvenir shopping," I said.
"What are you going to get the baby?" he asked.
Baby?
That was Kit's way of telling me that he and his wife, Bonnie, were going to have their first baby - my fourth grandchild.
My reaction was to cry and, because my son knows I cry when I'm happy, he continued talking. "The baby is due on Nannie's birthday, Mom."
I lost it.
The baby is due on Jan. 11, my late mother's birthday. My mother, who died two years ago, was the proud matriarch of our family. And though she was very close to my four children, she was particularly bonded to Kit, my youngest, because she spent a lot of one-on-one time with him after I went to work as a reporter at the Times Free Press in 1985 when Kit was 3.
Finding out I was going to have another grandchild and that the grandchild was due on my mother's birthday was an incredible gift.
Several months later, we learned the baby is a girl.
I had been thinking a lot about Kit and Bonnie having a baby long before they conceived. I wondered what it was going to be like being a long-distance grandmother. How was I going to envelope this child with love when we would be separated by thousands of miles?
I won't see her on a daily basis like I see my other grandchildren, Tilleigh, 9, Evie, 6, and William, 4. They live next door.
I am so wrapped up in my grandchildren's lives. They are being raised next door to me just like I raised my own kids next door to my parents. Our house is their second home where they share a big bedroom, each has their own bed, their own toys, individual chairs.
And now I'm going to have a grandchild on the other side of the continent who, in reality, won't likely visit Chattanooga more than twice a year. I promised Tilleigh, Evie and William that I would take them to California every summer because I think it's important that they develop a bond with their cousin.
I plan on being with Kit and Bonnie when the baby is born and hanging around a couple weeks after to help out and to establish a bond with my granddaughter.
Over the last couple of years, Bonnie (a native Californian) and I have talked a lot about how difficult it was going to be for us to be so far apart when they had a baby. We typically visit San Diego at least once a year, and they try to come to Chattanooga once a year.
I won't have the daily interaction with my California baby like I do with my other grandkids. I've never missed a birthday party, a Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, their first day of school. I've even seen their first tooth being pulled and helped take care of them when they've been sick. I go to most of their sporting events and plays.
How in the heck do I foster the same relationship with my new granddaughter? Even Bonnie asked me a few years ago if I would love their child as much as I love the other three.
Of course I will. I already do.
Because nurturing long distance is new to me, I turned to someone who has mastered long-distance grandparenting - Pat Hagan of Fort Oglethorpe, Ga.
Pat, and his wife, Lisa, have a blended family that includes six grandchildren and a great-grandchild, five of whom - ages 4 to 20 - live in the area. Two others, though, an 11-year-old and a 9-year-old, moved from Signal Mountain to Colorado in September 2014.
"We first drove to Colorado in November 2014 to visit," Pat said. "Since then we have been to Colorado six times. We are happy to make the trip as often as they will have us, and we plan to visit again for Thanksgiving. We've flown a couple of times and I rode my motorcycle there last summer by myself."
The long-distance relationship has strengthened since they moved, Pat said.
He and his wife "do all we can for them, especially on the holidays." That includes "little gifts from Amazon We even sent them kettle corn from the market once. They just love to get a little package of love."
Making connections with grandchildren, just like you would do if they lived nearby, is important, he said.
So I'm taking that to heart.
I like the idea of mailing things periodically (in addition to birthday presents, etc.), no matter how inconsequential, to my California girl, especially as she gets older, to let her know that I'm thinking about her.
I also plan on getting my new baby her own bed - maybe a Murphy bed - to put in the grandchildren's bedroom. I'll make a place for her in this house as though she lives next door. I want her to know, early on, that she's part of us.
And thank goodness for FaceTime, which will give me the chance to see and talk to her over my computer or cellphone. I can have a front row seat to her everyday life.
Now that I'm retired, it's likely I'm going to become a frequent flyer. My goal is to visit at least twice a year, hopefully more.
Long-distance grandparenting is going to be a challenge, but I'll figure it out and make it work. Baby Nazor in San Diego is going to feel the love. We'll make it happen.
Contact Karen Nazor Hill at kill@timesfreepress.com.