Our oldest son, a rising senior in high school, has begun visiting colleges - which, if I remember correctly, involves sophisticated levels of girl-watching and food-service sampling.
For parents, it's a bittersweet time. Mostly bitter. (By the way, I think "rising senior" is a misnomer for the summer before senior year, "resting senior" seems more descriptive.)
It's not so much the impending separation from our firstborn, which is the natural way of things, that bothers me. It's that the actually process of applying and gaining admission to college that can be a royal pain.
We are learning about FAFSA - which I initially confused with NAFTA - and the early decision period, and hand-weighted GPAs, and ACT "super scores" and essay tutors and other stuff that I managed to live 61 years without thinking about.
The only thing I remember about applying to college in 1976 was misspelling my middle name on the application, which somehow did not disqualify me for a state university - nor, for that matter, a career in journalism. Years later, I commemorated my error by naming our oldest son my middle name. Now, if he wished legacy status at my alma mater - which he doesn't - he'd have to misspell his own name.
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I'm sure you've read the headlines about how some well-heeled celebrities recently got into trouble with the feds because they cheated to get their kids into the best schools. They basically hired professional con men to game the system so their offspring could go to places like USC and Stanford.
Meanwhile, the rest of us are left to beg, borrow and squeal when confronted with today's college sticker prices. Holy moly.
Guidance counselors will tell you that the first rule of the college application process is: Responsibility rests with the student. This sounds good in principle, but, you know, don't hold your breath.
We have also learned that many Southern colleges have a sliding scale of financial aid loosely tied to football, i.e. when the football team is bad, financial aid is up. Conversely, when the football team is good, financial aid goes down. Supply and demand, you know.
Another hint from experts is to pick a "safety" school and apply early. This, you are to explain to your child, is a safety net in case a funding source - namely you - drops dead. This, in most cases, is not a dream school but a dread school. And every time you develop a hacking cough, your child may begin to panic.
As first-time parents of a college- bound kid, my wife and I are learning about such things as the "common app," a shared platform for applying to selected colleges. We have learned that it takes more documentation to apply to college using the "common app" than it does to apply for a mortgage or a job. You need letters of recommendation, an official grade transcript, a financial statement and other supporting documents.
This all seems like reverse psychology to distract you from the fact that you are asking for the right to give a school mountains of money to house and educate your child. Tuitions are set so high, apparently so you can brag to your friends about all the merit aid your child is receiving to attend college.
Oh, my brain hurts.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.