DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine I've known for more than 20 years and I recently lost our spouses to COVID. During the 2 1/2 weeks that our spouses were in the same hospital, we visited, prayed for and offered comfort to each other.
Throughout the years, we had attraction to each other. Keep in mind we were very much in love with our spouses, and we're able to openly talk about them as well as grieve for them. We also find a great sense of comfort in each other's company but, over time, our physical attraction has grown.
I'm 64 and she's 57. It's been two months since our spouses died. Would it be wrong for us to start seeing each other on a romantic basis or is this too soon? Also, there's the question of being judged by others. - NEW WIDOWER IN FLORIDA
DEAR NEW WIDOWER: My sympathy for your loss. You are adults who have known each other for a long time. If you have feelings for each other, explore your relationship. This is a process that should not be rushed. And please do not allow your lives or your decisions to be ruled by what others might think.
DEAR ABBY: A couple we occasionally double-date with likes to meet for dinner. Usually, we both throw out a few suggestions, see what sounds good and go from there. Recently, though, my friend chooses the same restaurant and then announces they want to buy us dinner. The problem is, we don't care for that restaurant as they only serve one type of food - soup. I think it's her way of controlling the cost of the meal.
I have no problem with finding other, less expensive places to go that offer options so we can all be satisfied. When I suggest something different, she goes blank and can't think of anything, and I can tell she doesn't like my suggestions. I also do not want them to buy our dinner because, again, I know finances are tight. My husband and I order appetizers for the table and we ask for them to be placed on our bill, and that seems to be OK.
How do we continue to double-date and not have the selection process create tension that spoils our night out? - NOT APPETIZING IN THE WEST
DEAR NOT APPETIZING: You can accomplish that by speaking up. Be honest with your friend. Tell her you don't mind having dinner at the soup place once in a while, but you would prefer to go to a place that offers more variety. And while you are at it, tell her that although they are generous in wanting to pay for your meals, you and your husband prefer to either split the check 50/50 or alternate picking up the tab.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Jeanne Phillips