DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Melanie" will be a bridesmaid for a cousin who is getting married in five months. The shower date falls on the same day as my son-in-law's best friend's wedding. She told her cousin she felt she needed to attend the wedding with her husband, who is in his friend's wedding party. Melanie will attend the bachelorette party and all the other events for her cousin.
The bride's sister is saying she can't believe Melanie would miss the shower. Melanie is afraid she's jeopardizing her relationship with her cousins. I support her decision. What would you do, and how can I be helpful to my daughter? - WEDDING DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA
DEAR W.D.D.D.: The pressure your daughter is receiving is inappropriate. She isn't obligated to attend any event, and her reason for skipping the shower is a valid one. She should choose a gift for her cousin, have it delivered and apologize once for being unable to be there in person. Continuing to provide emotional support to your daughter is the best way you can be helpful to her.
DEAR ABBY: Four months ago, I noticed a lady walking down the street. She was older, and I could tell by her posture she was struggling. I offered to drive her so she didn't have to walk. It turned out she was walking from a bus stop to a transit bus to catch it for work. She works in a different county than she lives in, so the first bus doesn't take her all the way.
Long story short, I have been driving this lady to work from the bus stop every morning, picking her up from work and taking her home, picking her up on the weekend days she works, and then transporting her to and from work. (I don't work on the weekends.) She lives about 10 miles from me. She has not once offered to pay for gas, which doesn't bother me, but she has recently started asking me for money.
I've purchased coffees for her on several occasions and driven her to stores only to find out I'm paying for the purchases. I have picked her up, and without any warning she says she needs to go to other places, too. She doesn't have a car, doesn't earn a lot of money, etc. I think I need to stop driving her, but I know I'll feel guilty because she has no one to help her. How do I end this one-sided relationship? - MIFFED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MIFFED: The woman you have so generously befriended appears to be a bottomless pit. You were kind to her, and she is taking advantage of your generosity. It appears you have work to do on creating boundaries. Tell her you will no longer be driving her and be clear about the reasons. If you don't, there is no end to what she will ask you for. Trust me, once you draw the line, this woman will manage just as she managed before.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Jeanne Phillips