I went back to my cell feeling different. I knew it was the right path that I needed to change my life.
John shed his bright red extra-large jumpsuit in a tiny room in the Hamilton County Jail, walked across a smelly corridor and stepped into the chapel.
Wearing a brown T-shirt and shorts, the 40-year-old stepped down into the baptistery, into the pool of deep, warm water - a pool tucked against an outer wall, under a window with no bars.
John, who asked to be identified only by his first name to protect his privacy, was just sentenced to 17 years in federal prison. He'll be shipped out of the Hamilton County Jail any day now. He doesn't know where, and he hasn't told his two 11-year-olds about the sentence. He still needs to figure out how.
But first, a baptism.
He's been waiting for this moment, for this redemption, for 28 years - whether he knew it or not.
***
John found God for the first time when he was just a boy of 12 or 13.
Hamilton County Jail chaplain John Waters, left, prays over inmates before they are baptizedinside of the Hamilton County Jail on Monday, Dec. 14, 2015.His aunt saved him over the phone, and he was baptized soon after.
"It really felt like the heavens opened up, like I walked in a room of Vicks VapoRub and I was just opened up," he remembered during an interview Thursday. "I liked that feeling."
A Chattanooga native, John said he earned good grades in school and grew up in the church. He attended Brainerd High School but dropped out to study building maintenance at a trade school. When he turned 18, he found himself without a job, sleeping on his girlfriend's porch in Birmingham, Ala. He was trying to be a man, trying to stand on his own. But he was broke.
"And then I resorted to selling drugs," he said. "I panicked."
From 18 on, John was constantly in and out of jail. He went to state prison four times on various charges. In 2014 John was arrested in a sting operation and pleaded guilty in hopes of receiving the minimum 10-year sentence.
He got 17.5 years instead.
He hasn't spoken to his aunt in ages.
"I felt so ashamed," he said. "I was ashamed that I was doing the things of a street person."
***
John was in the Hamilton County Jail for about 14 months as his case weaved through the court system.
Two months in, a friend invited him to attend a three-day Emmaus Walk "retreat" - a series of classes hosted by volunteers to minister to inmates inside the jail.
Dr. Ronnie Phillips Jr. baptizes John, an inmate inside of the Hamilton County Jail, on Monday, Dec. 14, 2015.Initially, John didn't want to do it.
"When I first got here, I was kind of rough, and I didn't want to lean on God because I didn't want to be a hypocrite - just leaning on God because I was in trouble," he said.
But he went to the retreat. And he felt like a boy again.
"I went back to my cell feeling different," he said. "I knew it was the right path that I needed to change my life."
Organizers put together two Emmaus Walk retreats each year, volunteer Charlie Hubbs said. In 15 years, Emmaus Walk has reached about 550 inmates.
It's just one of 30 programs inmates have access to, Hamilton County Sheriff's Office spokesman Matt Lea said. The programs cover a wide variety of religions, as well as non-religious topics. More than 100 people volunteer at the jail, Lea said.
The men who complete the three-day Emmaus Walk retreat are then given the option to attend weekly Christian services, Hubbs said. John has been attending those services for a year.
"On [the first day], most men have no hope and no joy," Hubbs said. "Part of what we're doing is to let them realize there is hope; their lives are not over, and there can be joy."
***
John said he doesn't feel tempted to return to his life of crime.
"I got addicted to making so much money," he said of his former life. "But you can't substitute sin. You can't condition sin. It's sin. You can't halfway do the wrong thing, you know what I'm saying?"
Still, last week's 17-year sentence hit him hard.
"I don't know how to tell [my kids] right now," he said. "I need God to reveal how to talk to them, and how to deal with the anguish and pain my children's mothers are going through."
Murals painted by inmates inside of the Hamilton County Jail on Monday, Dec. 14, 2015.He'd like to write a novel once he's transferred to federal prison. He'd like to sign up with whatever Christian ministry the prison offers. He'd like to figure out a way to mentor young adults.
But first, a baptism.
The pastor lowered John into the water.
"Buried with Christ," he said. Then he shouted as he pulled John up, "Raised to walk in newness of life!"
Dripping wet, John climbed out of the baptistery, walked across the corridor and stepped back into his extra-large red jumpsuit.
He returned to the chapel pews as the 10 other men were still being baptized.
"All right, Big John," Hubbs called to him as John found a seat.
John turned, raised a fist, and smiled.
Contact staff writer Shelly Bradbury at 423-757-6525 or sbradbury@timesfreepres.com with tips or story ideas.