Whew.
If a tango or the twist was included, Ironman would be out of it.
Practically on the eve of Chattanooga's 11th Ironman event Sunday, city leaders discovered an ominous inclusion in the city's ordinances.
Chapter 6, Section 6, regulating "Amusements," singles out "Human endurance contests" and states: "It shall be unlawful for any person to operate or promote marathon walks or dances or other similar physical endurance contests in the city, and it shall be unlawful for any person to participate in such contests."
So much for the 3,000 competitors seeking athletic glory this weekend in what's been called "one of the world's foremost endurance events," right?
Nope.
Chattanooga's top legal eagle said the rule isn't aimed at those folks competing to bike and run 142.2 miles on Sunday. (The 2.4-mile swim was called off because of high water on the Tennessee River).
Instead, City Attorney Phil Noblett said, it aims to protect Chattanoogans from the exhaustion and debilitation of...dance contests.
Cue the "Footloose" theme.
"The official city position is that it's illegal to dance until you drop," Noblett said.
The ordinance has been in the city code at least since the 1960s, he said. Noblett hasn't been able to find much about why city leaders felt they needed to rein in dance contests, but he's certain there's no reference in the legislative history to Ironman - which started in the mid-1970s and first came to Chattanooga in 2014.
It was City Councilman Erskine Oglesby Jr. who unearthed the ban, part of his project to update or eliminate "archaic" city regulations.
He also found a rule making it illegal to engage in fortunetelling and another that might comfort anyone who's had to sit behind a supersized Stetson at a public event.
"It shall be unlawful for any person to wear on his head any kind of a hat while attending any performance, attraction, exhibition or other entertainment given at any theater or other public place of amusement and entertainment in the city."
Council members were amused when Oglesby read some examples in a recent council session. When he got to the ban on "human endurance contests," an "oops" came from Councilwoman Carol Berz.
Oglesby chuckled. "I would suggest we get rid of that, if necessary in a special session, before we have any additional endurance events," he said.
That won't happen before Sunday's event, but there's always the attorney's interpretation to fall back on.
Tim Morgan, president of the Chattanooga Sports Committee, was bemused to learn about the regulation.
"The irony is it says we weren't supposed to host endurance events," when Chattanooga was "the first community in the world to host the 70.3 [half-triathlon], the men's and women's 70.3 world championships and a full distance race two weeks later (in 2017)," Morgan said.
"If that's how [the city code] was set up, I guess the endurance meaning has definitely evolved throughout the years."
Jay Nevans, one of the directors of the Seven Bridges marathon, responded more personally to the news.
"I can't believe I've been breaking the law for eight years," Nevans said. "Do you think I need to start a GoFundMe for my bail?"
Contact Judy Walton at jwalton at timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6416.