Do you like power? No, not the sissy kind we've come to expect from congressional Republicans. I mean real power. Fist pumping, pelvic thrusting, vein bulging p-o-w-e-r. That's the only kind that will make this nation great again.
It's time we stop debating ideas. It's time to act. We're losing. Losing badly. We've been invaded by Mexican "rapists" pouring over the southern border. We've been duped by the Chinese who steal our jobs and sell us shoddy trinkets in return. And don't even get me started on those Muslims - all of 'em.
The cards are stacked against the Land of Liberty. But who's standing up for us? Who's looking out for the U-S-of-A?
Answer: Nobody. Nobody except one champion. One strong and glorious leader. A man in full. Donald J. Trump. America has been abandoned by Obama. Swindled by the Establishment. Only Trump can save us.
You doubt me? Just look at how strong and smart he is. He's the only candidate with the backbone to call for an Apple boycott since it refused to take work orders from the federal government. Apple! They're huge! But, duh, Trump's huger.
He's the only candidate intelligent enough to realize the best way to fight Islamic extremism is to "attack the oil," close the Internet and tell all Muslims to take a hike. And he's the only truth-teller bold enough to state the obvious: that a woman shouldn't be allowed to moderate a presidential debate if she's acting like she might be menstruating. Talk about a no-brainer. How stupid are the other guys?
Real leaders recognize power. That's why Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump have such a deep bromance. It'll be that bond that will enable future-president Trump to negotiate "terrific" bargains with the Kremlin. Bargains like you've never seen, friends. Once he's done that, watch out Iran. You too shall learn the Art of the Deal.
Heavens bless this man who refuses to abide by the emasculated dictates of our castrated society. It's so refreshing to attend a campaign rally where protesters are threatened to be punched (don't they deserve it?), and where fans are encouraged to call their adversaries whatever they like. Who cares if we spit sewer language? We're mad, and this behavior is the natural result of our frustration. I'm just glad there's one candidate who truly represents people like us. I've never felt so in-tune with a trust-fund heir.
Have I mentioned his humility yet? It's awe-inspiring. This man, a man of deep faith who is well-versed in Scripture - as evidenced by his knowledge of "Two" Corinthians - names the Bible as his favorite book. How easily he could put one of his own at the top of his list. After all, he's co-written multiple (multiple!) best-selling books. How many chart-toppers did Jesus write? Multiple? Nope. Does Donald ever mention that? Now that's humility.
The only thing more obvious than needing Donald Trump in the White House is the need for a mammoth-sized wall to keep Mexicans south of the Rio Grande. It's time we got a strongman of our own in the Oval Office. Someone who will keep America safe by keeping anyone unlike us out. A man who will "bomb the s--" out of our enemies and seek revenge against anyone who disagrees with his infallible plans.
Civility, fair-mindedness, tolerance, individual rights and freedom are for wimps. Those silly ideas must take a backseat to the demands of the day. In times like these we must take shelter in the promises and strength of one single man. Just like our forefathers would have. Right?
Contact David Allen Martin at davidallenmartin423@gmail.com and follow him on Twitter @DMart423.