I have been watching the Democrats in New Hampshire so you don't have to. It is painful: hours of angry folks painfully reciting leftist talking points. It was like watching the Oscars except with old, ugly people.
In short, Sanders won, and Mayor Pete surged behind him. "Plugs" Biden and "Pocahontas" Warren did really poorly.
If socialist Sanders is elected president, we will have to build border walls to keep good, productive Americans in the country. Sanders had the "Feel the Bern" campaign tour. Bill Clinton had a similar one when he ran, but the ladies did not "feel the burn" until a few days after Clinton left town.
If you have not watched any of these sad displays called the "Democratic primaries," let me sum them up for you. All the candidates try to top each other in identifying various victim classes. They tell the "victims" how much government money they will give them if elected, and whom they will get back at for them.
(MORE: Sanders edges Buttigieg in New Hampshire, giving Democrats 2 front-runners)
But to let Democrats run more of our lives as they wish after they cannot even count their Iowa Caucus votes would be stupid. Iowans are still waiting for their Democratic leaders to announce the final Super Bowl score.
Few saw Buttigieg coming up from behind except me, your humble op-ed humorist. Last year I said, "Then there is Joe Biden. He and Mayor Pete Buttigieg (whom I like) are the only really likable ones with reasonable messages on the Democrat debate stage." At the time Buttigieg was polling at around 1% to 2%, tied with skim milk.
Mayor Pete almost won in Iowa, which surprised people. The movie "Brokeback Mountain" did well in Iowa, and Greco-Roman wresting is the state's passion, so why shouldn't he? He is a reasonably speaking Midwestern former mayor of a town of 100,000. The rest of the Democrats are money-hungry, old political hacks who think they are owed a nomination by their party. Democrats have to show "purity" and adhere to the left-drifting orthodoxy of their party, while Republicans show more flexibility. And Buttigieg does not have his fingerprints on the impeachment debacle the Dems perpetrated in D.C. That had to be the worst planned adventure since the Titanic.
During New Hampshire and after his acquittal, Trump had the best week of his political career. His poll numbers are at record highs, and the economy is humming. Yet it did not keep Trump from being less than totally Christian at the National Prayer Breakfast. His was the most awkward post-impeachment speech given at the event since Bill Clinton received Oral Roberts into the Oval Office after his.
Nancy Pelosi was not any nicer at the prayer breakfast. She had her plastic surgeon put on her indignantly pious face for that event.
Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren is out. She can go back to her Indian tribe in Massachusetts any time now and perhaps enjoy a beer with her husband - if she can make him sit with her. And it's not her age. If a 50-year-old woman can work the stripper pole at the Super Bowl halftime show, then Warren can be president.
But if Warren cannot show well in New Hampshire, a state that abuts Massachusetts where women in comfortable shoes wear flannel and drive Subaru station wagons plastered with stickers, then she's got no chance in South Carolina.
Joe Biden has lost it, not that he ever had it. He's now getting to where he could throw his own surprise party.
(MORE: Democrats seek path through diverse states after Iowa, New Hampshire)
Biden called a young New Hampshire voter a "lying, dog-faced pony soldier" at a campaign stop. I guess there are older and weirder words, but I can't come up with any. Joe cannot take any confrontational question without attacking the asker. When Biden gets asked about tax policy, he answers with how many pushups he can do or who he once beat up.
The choice of candidates is so poor, and with Sanders leading in many polls, there is talk of a brokered convention. Bloomberg and Sanders could campaign together, calling it the "Antiques Roadshow." Perhaps Bloomberg could run for president and Sanders for VP. VPs' roles are to attend funerals for the president, which might prove problematic for the elderly Sanders. Neither he nor Bloomberg could attend a burial without being followed by the graveyard guys with shovels.
A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron Hart may be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.
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