"Where is your country? he said.
I don't know, said John Grady. I don't know where it is. I don't know what happens to country." - All The Pretty Horses
I've written 10, 20 versions of this column. All week, as the election shifted, so did this column. Think of the magnitude of the last five days. I went from anger to exhilaration to grief and back again, so I wrote, rewrote, rewrote.
Why? Who knows why.
I really only have one thing to say.
I'm just not sure how to say it.
***
Four years ago, when Trump was first elected, I was stunned.
This man? Of all men? As president?
And so many of you - decent, upstanding, kind - voted for him?
I did not understand why. That was my own sin, my own shortcoming. I had left the garage, the deer stand, the small business, the church; I'd lost touch with the very people who were my roots: conservative America.
And I needed to repair that. I needed to cross some borders.
Over the last four years, I tried to understand.
I listened. Asked questions. Read. Listened again. Here's what I found:
Trump respects you. You feel valued and heard, not canceled or insulted.
Against a Hollywood media and Ivory Tower elite, Trump fights for what you love: the flag, the unborn, the Second Amendment. He brings back jobs. You don't care for his behavior, but it's better than taking a knee during the anthem. Finally, you have a president who sees ... you.
"I know he's a jerk," one friend said. "But at least he stands for something."
All of us thirst to be seen and heard. Our hearts cry for respect and dignity. I'll even admit: If you restore the old Cook - the man I was 25 years ago - then I would vote for Trump, too.
So I get it.
I get it ... up to a point.
But did you ever feel like you crossed a line?
***
This week was a rebuke. More people voted for the Biden-Harris ticket than for any candidate in any election in history. During a pandemic. While gaining Congressional seats, Republicans lost the White House (or so it appears) during an incumbent presidency. People voted for a red Congress, but not a red White House. At least, not this red White House.
From Georgia to Arizona - Sheriff Joe's Maricopa County, Arizona! - grassroots democracy showed its power, thanks to countless days organizing, meeting, door-knocking, ride-sharing, befriending, talking, listening, counseling and strategizing. Can we shift Hamilton County, too?
It's funny. Of all the things this week has offered, I still think of you. We can't shake each other, not in this lifetime, not in the country.
I know this hurts. I remember 2016. So I won't shame you. I do not want to make it worse.
Do you hear? I do not want to make it worse.
Here's all I really want to say.
You need to understand why Trump lost.
It's not because of voter fraud.
Trump lost because the means matter.
The means. The methods. The ways we go about our business.
They matter.
In creating his sibling presidency, Trump traumatized this country. And the party of character, decency, honor rode right alongside him.
This election broke my heart because, for whatever reason, you don't seem to see this. It's like millions of us are tuned to some high frequency - jarring, crippling, violent static - and you? You don't hear a thing. Can you not see the fruits of his tree? Can you not see the violence?
I know you don't want to read this, but I have put in my time, earned my stripes. In the last four years, I've written some 200 columns, but few, if any, have focused on Trump. Instead, I was listening. Trying to understand.
Allow me these few lines.
In trying to understand - yes, I fall short - I gained something.
Freedom.
When I let go of the rock-solid grip I had on my own beliefs, I felt expansion, spaciousness. I may not agree with you, but I can try to understand you. Freedom. Freedom from my own narrow view. Freedom from all the tribalism. Do you know when folks on the Left cast blanket generalizations about Republicans, I change the channel? I stop reading?
We do not create America through lies and delusion.
Why am I not celebrating this Biden-Harris moment? Why am I trying still - foolishly, naively, self-righteously - to find some word that connects with you?
Because I can't walk away from you. Can't give up on us.
What happens to country?
Yes.
What does happen?
David Cook writes a Sunday column and can be reached at dcook@timesfreepress.com.
David Cook