We've spent most of the week pecking and parceling words and phrases.
Is this coach-speak? Is that an insult?
What about the direction or the new coaches or this rule change and that defensive back in a bow tie?
Ah, SEC Media Days, a rite of passage that for some is akin to the passage of a kidney stone.
It's the sound of the furious -picture a Finebaum caller - signifying nothing more than our starvation for college football of any sort.
Think of it this way: We just had the world's biggest sporting event - the World Cup - and if you were to reach down in a place you don't like to talk about at parties, if we asked you whether you could name more SEC coordinators or World Cup players, whatcha got?
Exactly.
Well, this SEC media tea party that left the Birmingham suburbs for traffic-infested Atlanta has come and gone.
What did we learn?
We learned that new Tennessee coach Jeremy Pruitt already has the attention of some Georgia folks, and as we all know being a target is way better than being invisible.
We learned that South Carolina's Will Muschamp is arguably the most witty and quote-worthy coach in a league filled with bosses doing everything possible to be more Saban-like and less Spurrier-esque. (New Mississippi State coach Joe Moorhead was surprisingly entertaining, and the complete 180 from the lovable Bret Bielema to the forgettable Chad Morris at Arkansas makes me sad.)
We learned that the guys like me asking the questions of the coaches like those are not as good as we should be, either. For Pete's sake, someone asked Kirby Smart what's it like with Jake Fromm, Justin Fields and Jacob Eason in the same QB room, apparently forgetting (a) Eason transferred, (b) to pay attention and (c) there IS such a thing as a bad question.
We learned that Auburn coach Gus Malzahn does not cuss, unless a Sunday school teacher counts "crap" among the expanded Carlin 17 dirty words.
But that knowledge is fringe and frivolous. It's the appetizer for the full-course meal that gets us ready for the four-month please cruise that is SEC football.
So we wait for the big answers to the big questions: Who will start at quarterback at Alabama? Is Pruitt ready for this? Is Dan Mullen the answer for Florida? Is Georgia ready to be a monster, or was last year a perfect storm storming for perfection? Is Malzahn or Texas A&M new coach Jimbo Fisher worth $7 million per year?
(Well, for that last one, we think both are overpaid. But we also readily admit that if either grabs the lightning bolt there is no way to overpay a supremely SEC football coach, all things considered.)
Where does that leave us? One day closer to the start of the actual season when actual answers are actually available. And that's a great thing.
Well, we'll leave you with the knowledge that sometime today the preseason SEC predictions will be tabulated and released to the public. Here's one guy's ballot, in case you're curious, and, yes, it's Nick Saban's world and the rest of us just live here:
West: Alabama, Auburn, Texas A&M, Mississippi State, LSU, Ole Miss and Arkansas.
East: Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, Missouri, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Kentucky.
SEC champ: Duh.
So, yeah, other than Saban and the growing number of Alabama bandwagon riders, that means the rest of the league will say "crap" yet again.
Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com and 423-757-6343.